My Sweet Sophia Grace

he day of your birth 10 years ago was one of such anxiety but also incredible beauty. You see I had already been in the hospital for several days by your birthday. I had been being monitored because of my liver as well as my blood pressure. That morning they had taken blood and noticed that my liver wasn’t functioning as it should, and they determined that I would have to have an emergency C-section that day, as you were also facing the wrong way, trying to come out feet first. I remember being so scared. I tried to call Meme’ but there was no answer. I then called grandpa, auntie Denise, Uncle DJ Uncle Dennis and Auntie Doreen. But no one was answering the phone! I was getting so upset because I needed to tell them you were coming.

What I didn’t know was that at that very time your grandpa was having a heart attack and that everyone was avoiding my phone calls so that they didn’t have to tell me. They were protecting me from something that there was nothing that I could do to help. And so we called your auntie TeeTee to see if she could take Sam so that Daddy could come in the delivery room with me. I remember weeping for joy when you came out. You were the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. You had these beautiful chocolatey eyes and these perfect little pouty lips. You were seriously the most perfect gorgeous baby I had ever seen. And when you cried immediately after birth it truly was one of the most amazing days of my life. I was laying there waiting to hear you cry and you did. It was amazing!

And now you, my gorgeous girl are ten! I cannot even fathom that time is flying so quickly by. I look at the resilience you have, your zeal for life, the way you allow people to see your heart, your courage and energy and I cannot believe that you are mine. You have been such a blessing to me. I am so enjoying watching you grow up into the woman God wants you to be. My prayer is that 10 is a year in which you become so close to God and His will for your life. That you realize the incredible blessing and gift that you are. And that you know how much I love you!!!! Happy birthday BEAUTIFUL sweet compassionate creative smart hard working dedicated and talented little lady!!!! KODAK Digital Still Camera

Busy weekend

I love weekends when there isn’t tons of commitments. Where I can enjoy these kids and not be too stressed. I am so heartbroken thinking of the families in Florida who have lost their family members due to this terrible shooting. I have really been reminded repeatedly this week that we are not promised tomorrow but we are promised eternity. Though this flesh may be taken before I am ready my peace comes in knowing that we will have eternity. It seems a little cliche to think about that in light 9f recent events but I can’t help bit remind myself that we are not of this world. That this world is not my home. In the chaos and heartbreak what peace that knowledge brings to my soul.

My sweet kids

I came to lay down for a half an hour before I work 12 hours over night and found this sweet card from Preston under my pillow. This little guy is just so so sweet.

I so cherish these moments. The swet innocence that they are full of. Raising children in the world in 2018 is certainly a challenge. The fight the devil is waging against God’s people is in full force as more and more people become fearful of speaking His name. I am proud to be a Christian proud to be raising my children to be God serving loving compassionate beings. No matter what happens in this world they can’t take Christ out of our hearts.

Inspired

Have you been inspired to something greater? Do you know what our God has called you to do? Do you get excited when doing His work? So often times we are in a situation where someone approaches us and asks us to help in some ministry, maybe its children’s church or nursery, maybe its ushering, maybe it is secreatarial, maybe it is cleaning, maybe it is advertising, maybe it is outreach….. the list goes on and on.

The thing about it is, I truly believe that God wants us to be joyful in serving. It shouldn’t just be something we feel like we have to do, or that we do to look good or involved. When we are doing His work it should be joyful, it should feel like we are a part of building His kingdom. Yes, there will be times where we are tired and weary, but the day to day serving Him should be joyful. For example I love babies (hence I am a pediatric, nursery and labor and delivery RN)_ if I didn’t like babies/children then probably I shouldn’t be doing children’s ministries within church. Say I was good at building things and designing, those are my talents, those are the things that I should be using to build God’s kingdom. Yesterday I was in the nursery at our church and it was overwhelming. I came out of there discussing with my husband some things that I think would make things work a little better in there. But that is my heart, serving people, so it is easy for me to wrap my brain around that.

Pray about what God has for you. Pray about the ministry that has been created just for you at this time. When God is using you specifically for His purpose mighty things can happen.

I was listening to the church where we used to go up in Massachusetts this weekend. Pastor Dan was preaching about Mary and Martha, and the difference between serving Him and just doing what has to be done. I don’t want to just do the work that has to be done, I want to serve and love my Lord in the process.

Waiting on God in the trials

ave you ever read the whole story of Job? Have you ever really thought about what he went through? All of the suffering? I have recently been reading Job with my bible in one year reading plan. And wow I can’t really wrap my head around it.

People in the past have made comments about praying for healing for my children, or for financial provision or countless other things. My husband and I have recently had a disagreement financially about God’s provision. We tithe as we are supposed to, and he is feeling frustrated as our finances are so precarious. But I feel as though we don’t have to stress about it. Our credit scores, and our bank accounts have no eternal value. We have NEVER EVER EVER needed something that God didn’t provide for us. He always meets the need. We may not understand His answer or His plan, but His plan is much better than anything I could come up with.

My children’s illness has strengthened my faith so much. I certainly wish that they didn’t have to go through all of the struggles that they do. But on the flip side of that, I have really truly met God in my heartbreak and He has really truly supported me in times of need. I can’t say without a doubt that I didn’t have to beg Him for mercy and for healing in the lives of my children that I would fully grasp His incredible love and peace that passes all understanding. And I am not willing to give that up. And as my children have grown up with so many struggles, they too have developed a deeper relationship with the One who has created us. They have faith and they know that God is their friend, not just some unobtainable thing that people talk about it. And that truly is the most important thing ever. So yes I hate the struggles that we face, absolutely, but in those struggles we come face to face with the one who has promised to sustain us, to carry us and to meet us where we are and He does.

Several years ago as I was in Boston Children’s for a lengthy admission with my oldest son I head the song from Laura Story “Blessing.” And wow did that speak to my broken heart. And these day to day things are truly blessings, teaching us and encouraging us to reach out to the One who holds us in the palm of His hands.

I don’t know what you are going through but I know that HE does! And His plan is perfect, and these circumstances are not in Vain. Trust Him and lean on Him, I promise no matter what you won’t be disappointed.

I do not own this song, the lyrics or the music, but wanted to share

Fly like an Eagle

So this is a silly title but I had to write it. I LOVE the NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS. I have been a Pats fan as far back as I can remember. And though I was thoroughly disappointed with the turn out of the superbowl, I am thrilled to see that it was a team of believers that beat us. I love that the Eagles are using this huge platform to share their faith and to allow others to witness it. I was absolutely thrilled as each player came up and said that the glory belonged to God first. So today I want to “Fly like an eagle” And that got me thinking…

We each have a platform that we can use every day every moment every second to bring glory to our God and lead others to Christ. Do you use that platform? Do you take every second that you are blessed with to lead others to Him? Sadly I admit that I don’t, but I surely want to.

My oldest was absolutely reduced to tears with the Patriots loss. And he was so worried about what the kids at school were going to say and how they were going to tease him. My husband and I tried our hardest to encourage him, to support him and to try to remind him that truly it is ONLY A GAME. We shared with him how our actions and our responses to others and to criticism and trials speak volumes about who we are as Christians. He begged to stay home, he didn’t want to be teased. But we made him go, and he realized that his attitude can affect those around him, and by continuing to be a kind kid they left him alone.

We all come across difficult people and situations, difficult family, difficult jobs, difficult teachers difficult coworkers. Our response to each of these situations speaks directly to our relationship with our Father. What does your reaction tell the world about you?

In the eye of the storm….

Not sure if you are familiar with the song “In the eye of the storm” by Ryan Stevenson but if you aren’t familiar you should certainly find it.

The chorus says “In the eye of the storm You remain in control

In the middle of the war, you guide my soul

You alone are the anchor when my sails are torn

Your love surrounds me In the eye of the storm.”

You know in the last couple of weeks there has been so much craziness that it feels as though the weight of the world is on my shoulders if I allow it to be, or I can give it all to Him and let Him carry it all. In my daughters school there is a sign that says “Why carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, when you can allow the one who created it, to carry it all?’ And how true is that?

My husband has injured his leg so he has been unable to travel for his job as he normally does, and is therefore pretty frustrated, as he is not a sit behind a desk kind of worker. While he is home I am working some extra hours to help make ends meet, but working more doesn’t lesson the load of what needs to be done at home. So often times I am just so behind, I feel like I am behind in life.

My heart has been so sad hearing of so many people dying of the flu this year. There have been 11 children so far in my state. It just breaks my heart. And then I am brought to my knees knowing that my sweet immunocompromised kids who could have had terrible complications from the flu, that God strengthened and healed them, as well as protecting the rest of my children and my husband and I from getting it as well. It is just a constant reminder to me as I look at our circumstances how God is with us every step of the way. And I can’t even begin to tell you how amazing it is to hear my little guys singing along to the worship songs on the radio. When my sweet Paisley was singing Amazing Grace the other day, I couldn’t help but thank God that my sweet girl already knows her creator and worships Him.

I know this life can be hard. Let His people minister to you, let His word minister to you. And honestly, for me the quickest way for me to get into His presence is to listen to music and to allow those words to sweep over me and soothe those areas that are raw and hurting from the weight of this world. Know that He knows, He hears, He sees, and He cares. Don’t let your struggle affect what you KNOW about Him.

Be blessed!!!!

Saying Good bye

Today was a pretty hard day. My sweet brother Dennis and his wife Johanna are moving away. God has called them to Texas, and it is so hard to see them go. My brother has been such a tremendous influence in my life and in my faith walk. As a military soldier that has had to bury too many friends, and who has seen his friends suffer horrifically, as a police officer who has seen the worst of human kind, he has remained true to our God, true to the knowledge that God is with us in whatever comes our way. My brother has reminded me continuously about claiming God’s promises over my life and the lives of my children. With all the illness, hospitalizations and anxiety that comes along with that, I often times get worried and stressed and he brings me right back to the realization that God has totally got it all under control. It is going to be hard not seeing him as often as I would like.

We had so much fun planning his party. It was texas as well as patriotic themed. My brother DJ and his wife Lyndsea came up from Florida and the rest of us were all here as well as my parents.. I also love getting all the cousins together. There are now 12! And they range between 2months to 15 years. SO MUCH FUN!!!!

Doing Life

Today in church our pastor spoke about relationships and the importance of “doing life together.” I have so many friends, family and acquaintances who go to church because its the right thing to do, because it is the way they were raised, because it is what their parents, spouse, friends want them to do. It isn’t what they desire, and they haven’t truly connected with the body of Christ.

I grew up going to a wonderful church, a church that preached the Word, a church that worshiped God fully, a church that welcomed people in. And I honestly have felt so incredibly blessed to have had that opportunity. And then we left and moved south. I was so worried that we wouldn’t find another church. And I was worried that my kids wouldn’t learn about having a relationship with God the way that I did.

But here at our new church the pastor speaks again and again about the importance of meeting and supporting each other, of praying and encouraging one another. As the churches grow larger in congregation they also have to grow smaller in relationships. I have been thinking so much about that. So our church is doing these small group sessions so that your faith isn’t just a sunday thing, it is an all week thing. As we are getting more involved in our church, God is able to mold us and shape us into what He wants us to be. Are you a part of a bible study group or small group? Are you experiencing the blessing that that is. There are small groups that do just about anything you can think of, and also get together to know God better. I am thankful that we are a part of a church that realizes that Life is meant to be done together in fellowship

The working mom struggle

As a nurse I am fortunate to not have to work 5 or more days a week. But unfortunately that also means that my days are 14 plus hours….. I got up this morning at 04:15 and didn’t get home until 8:30pm. If tonight was a school night I wouldn’t have gotten to see my babies today. It breaks my heart. I hate being away from my babies but I love caring for others.

It is so hard. I feel that God has called me to be a nurse and I truly feel blessed to have the opportunity to compassionately care for his children. But then I am feeling guilty because I am paying someone else to care for my own babies😔 Do you feel that way? Blessed to have a calling? But struggling with guilt over other parts of your life?