Becoming the Mom that God has called me to be

If your like me, you felt called by God to be a mom, you know the importance of the job that you have, and you know the significance of doing it the way God has called us to do it. But in this world, there is so much compairing, judging and self help books it is hard to hear His guidance over what the world says. So many of us read “what to expect when your expencting”, what to expect the 1st year…toddler years….etc. We’ve researched the best way to feed our babies, and teach our children, how to potty train and discipline. We’ve researched how to teach them to be kind and respectful and obedient. We have tried to teach them by example, we have tried to correct the bad behaviors.

I am guilty of reading some parenting books, of asking my Godly friends who have children older than mine how they did certain things…. but you know what? The more we are in HIS WORD the more guidance He will give us. We can’t be “cookie cutter parents”, we can’t buy a book from the store that says how to parent, and expect that it is the end all be all of parenting, it isn’t going to fit every quirk, every temperament, every personality that is your child. Don’t get me wrong I am sure that you have some amazing people in your life that can give you AMAZING parenting advice, but you know where the end all be all of parenting advice comes from? HIS WORD! The Bible is full of absolutely everything that we need and so much more. But beyond that, the more we are in His Word the more we converse with Him, the more we learn and react the way He would want us to.

I may not be able to find: what to do when my kid is having a temper tantrum in the BIBLE per se, but as I am in the Word He will give me the guidance that I need to take care of each situation I encounter.

I have been continuing to listen to Heidi St. John’s podcast, and am so saddened by all the craziness that is going on within our schools. She shared this week about schools out in Washington that are voting to change their sex ed classes for kids to some really crazy stuff, stuff that will be teaching our children that they are wrong for thinking that there are men and women and that they cannot be changed, that sex is good and they should just use condoms, what the draw backs of abstinence are, etc etc etc. Be praying folks! Our values are being blasted away from our kids, the activists are trying to indoctrinate all kinds of non-Christian beliefs into our kids, trying to make our kids believe that their Christian values are wrong. As Heidi St. John would say “Get off the bench!” We have to fight for our kids, fight for their future, fight to keep our children safe from that craziness of this world. As I am reading Heidi’s book “Becoming Mom Strong How to fight with all that’s in you for your family and your faith.” this is something she has written in her book: “we as parents are surrounded by lies too. We’re being told that unborn babies have no right to life. We’re being told that marriage between a man and a man or between a woman and a woman is not only okay, it’s to be celebrated. Deception and unbiblical thinking have become so commonplace that we’re afraid to even speak the truth for fear of being discriminated against or being labeled “intolerant”.”

Not my will, but Thy Will be done

Tonight at church our pastor was teaching from the Lord’s prayer. His focus lately has been to teach us how to pray. And you know over the years as a Christian we have heard so many sermons about prayer and how to do it. And even had teachings in regards to the Lord’s prayer before. But today I have really started thinking about my life and my prayer life.

I write the following to share my testimony but also to share the change of mindset that I had in relation to my prayers when I was praying for my children. This is my testimony as a mom….My first pregnancy occurred nearly four years after I had gotten married. My husband and I had planned on waiting a full five years before we got pregnant but God had a different plan for us. We were just so excited, and overwhelmed. I had felt like God had created me soley to be a mom and I couldn’t wait to hold that precious child in my arms. But then God decided to take him home. That miscarriage? That loss? Was some of the hardest things I have ever walked through, questioning God. Questioning myself, wondering if there was something that I did wrong or should have done….. I was so sad and so lonely. I didn’t know who I was supposed to be then. But by His grace three months later we got pregnant again. And I was terrified, from the moment the pregnancy began. Throughout the whole pregnancy there was complication after complication, doctors telling me that the child wouldn’t be born alive and that I needed to prepare myself. Up to that point we weren’t sure whether the baby was a boy or girl and so we found out because we needed to name our child. And so we began searching for names, names that had meanings, names that spoke about God and his wonder. And so our child was named Samuel Lee, and depending on where you get the definition from you will learn that his name means: Shelter from the storm and God has heard……

And God did hear us! And our sweet boy was brought into this world with again so many complications. But God was able to use that situation and many since. I was the typical mom that prayed for a healthy baby, that didn’t care whether it was a boy or a girl. And then I had unhealthy children, children that were born prematurely, children that I didn’t get to bring home with me when I was discharged from the hospital. Children who the doctors struggled to care for. But does any of that change who God is? NOPE!

I remember vividly sitting in a hospital room in the middle of the night weeping and hysterical because my baby was so sick, I remeber saying to God “I don’t know what to do? What am I supposed to do?” And God said “Hey I’ve got this!” It was literally an audible conversation that I had with Him that night. And in that moment He showed me that He had my sweet babies in His hand.

So here I am, a mom of three immunocompromised kids. Kids who don’t respond to illness the way “they are suppposed to” according to doctors. But I am always brought back to that moment, when I was begging God for the health of my child, and He met me there to say that “I’ve got this.” And so now when things get crazy and the doctor’s are concerned, I don’t freak out anymore, for the most part. Because when I am praying for His will in our lives, I know that He truly does have it all in His hand,

I wish I could adequately describe what this journey has looked like for me. And how drastically my life changed once I truly allowed God to handle our lives. So often people will say things like “I don’t know how you do it? How you keep it all straight? How you don’t freak out with all the medical unknowns?” And I will be honest I struggle with how to answer it to share where my heart is. God is so good, and so amazing, and when others are in panic mode He gives me this unbelievable peace, peace that is truly only from Him. The world looks at you sometimes and truly thinks you are crazy with how you respond but in all actuality He is responding for me. Do you have any idea how freeing it is, to be in the midst of another scary medical diagnosis, and to be able to say “Hey God take this too, I can’t handle it.” And then you step back and watch Him work. I remember a little over a year ago my oldest was literally coughing up blood, and everyone at the hospital was saying you need to get him hear now and be prepared to call 911 if he gets worse on your drive (we live far away from my sons bleeding disorder docs). I remember my pastor calling me, and praying with me on the phone, but I also remember that I wasn’t panicked I wasn’t afraid, becuase I knew that God had it.

If you are struggling in a situation in your life, I just pray that you just keep giving it to God, and letting Him know that you are wanting HIS WILL in that situation, and that you then allow Him to do the work. I am not promising that it will be easy, and gosh I can promise that sometimes are devastatingly difficult, but what I can tell you is that HE wants to carry your burden, he wants to carry your sadness and fear. He wants to give you the strength to face tomorrow. This life? It’s hard, but its so beautiful. I often am reminded of the song from Laura Story called “Blessings” and the line that speaks about how some of the trials we face are “blessings in disguise.” I believe that so much, although my prayer for healthy children was not answered the way I would have wanted, now that we are walking this path, I can see the beauty in the path that He chosen for us. The path that allows each of us to come to Him in humble humility knowing that WE can’t do any of it without Him. Sure I would love to not have thousands of dollars of medical equipment in my home, sure I would love to not have weekly infusions, or a nurse who comes to the house for infusions, or so many specialists and appointments that I struggle keeping my life straight, or kids that are so exhausted and get sick so easily. But you know what His answer to my prayers has created? A mom who fully rely’s on God in all situations, a mom who knows that even if I don’t have the words to pray God hears my heart and He will answer in His will, a mom who has seen so many times God move mountains in our path, a Mom who can share how amazing He is with the world. But even more amazing than that? My kids KNOW HIM!!!! When I look back in the back of my van and I see hands raised in worship, and eyes closed in prayer? I wouldn’t change a thing…..Because at the end of this life, the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS KNOWING AND SERVING HIM!

So no matter where you are at. No matter what your struggle is, if you can just literally let it go and let Him work it to HIS WILL not yours. You will be amazed at what happens.

Mom Strong

Are you walking around kind of in a daze at times, wondering if you showered today? Forgetting whether you ate or not? How many times have you had to rewash that load of laundry as you keep forgetting to switch it over?

This mom stuff? It’s so hard, and exhausting, and some days it feels like I can’t possibly do one more thing. BUT GOD! Always God! I was so blessed to go to a Heidi St. John conference here recently with one of my best friend’s on the planet. She flew in from out of state and the two of us took a nice drive (with no kids asking us if we were there yet!) for a weekend to recharge. If you are unfamiliar with Heidi St. John and her “Mom Strong international” organization I highly recommend you get on board. The resources that she has, the encouragement, the support in her community are like no other. This conference was so biblically sound. In our society more and more people are straying from God’s Word, and not standing on the foundation that He has given us! God is no silent, His truth doesn’t change. No matter what our society says about any of it, God’s Word is our ultimate study guide, it has every answer we could possibly ever need. Do you have an amazing mom friend? A prayer partner? Someone you can share this mothering with? If you don’t I highly recommend finding another momma that you can encourage and that she can encourage you.

As a mom, I constantly am wondering if I am doing this right? If my kids will know that they know that they know, that God is God and He is their father. That He sent His only son to die for them, that He wants to take them home to heaven to be with Him. Recently there have been several events on the news that have just absolutely broken my heart, as I have learned about the loss of such young lives. And when I look at my four sweet babies, and I hear the crap that they are hearing at school, and from their friends, I am just so heartbroken for them. That this world is so lost and so broken. My sweet little girl has been told she is fat in the last couple of weeks by her “so called friends.” Now I know that school can be tough, but my sweet girl has spent so many days upset and broke over this craziness, and the world? It keeps filling people with mean spirits, with hatred, with jealously and greed. And as I raise my kiddos I am trying so hard to keep them focused on Him, and to continually remind them that they are HIS, and what the world says ultimately doesn’t matter.

I didn’t put the following scripture or the following slides together, and give full credit to Heidi St. John and her team for pulling these together. God isn’t silent, in the confusion of this world. And we CANNOT BE SILENT EITHER! As Heidi St. John would say “Get off the bench” and fight for your kids. Fight to keep God in their lives, fight to keep His truth in their heart, fight to keep the atrocities of abortion, gender confusion, sexual immorality and so much more away from our kids! You’ve got this Momma! And you’ve got the God of the universe and all of His Armies standing with you!

GOD IS NOT SILENT

Gender Identity Mark 10:6 Created male and female

Human Sexuality Romans 1 and 2 The creator’s instructions

Creation Genesis 1:1-2 Creation itself

Marriage Genesis 2:22-24 The purpose of marriage

Parenting Proverbs 22:26 Parent’s responsibility

Singleness 1 Corinthians 7 Single is good

Alcohol Ephesians 5:18 Stop getting drunk

Abortion Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a gift

Eternity John 10:28-29 I gave them eternal life

When your kid is the one that is “Different”

I was born to be a mom, born to have rough and tumble, sports playing adventurous kids. Or so I thought. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want to be a mom. Didn’t want to have a bunch of kids running around. I wanted to be the soccer mom, the softball, and football mom, the band mom. The dreams I had wasn’t a part of God’s plan.

So often we have this ideal scenario in our head about how things will be. How our careers will go, how our marriage will go, how our family will grow and thrive. But what happens if your kid doesn’t fit into that little dream? Or further more what if your kid is the one that is a little bit different than all the other kids? What if your kid is the one who is autistic? OR physically challenge? Mentally challenge? So curious and creative that they are always finding something to get into and unfortunately sometimes get hurt…… What if your kid is the one who other kids look at and are nervous around? What if your kid is the one who has a reputation that reaches their teachers long before they do? What if…….?

Unfortunately in our society we are expected to have our children fit in this little tiny box of conforming to “the norm” of society, and if our kid doesn’t fit that box, where does that leave us? When someone has something to say about your child’s behavior, or the way you parent doesn’t momma bear come out? It certainly does for me. I truly get enraged when I see or hear other parents talking poorly about a child. Or attacking the child’s mom because of the child’s behavior. This mom stuff? Incredibly incredibly difficult. Instead of mom’s judging and confronting, we should be encouraging and loving. We should be teaching that momma anything that would improve behaviors and bonding. We shouldn’t be telling mom’s that their child isn’t going to have friends, and is going to get into a lot of trouble…. WE should be speaking life into that mamma and her baby, praying over them, praying for God’s guidance throughout the lifetime. We should be encouraging her, offering her our help, offering her a hug and a compliment or encouraging word. This mom stuff? It is SO HARD. The last thing we need is the judgement of another mother. Mommas? Help a momma out. Don’t judge the beautiful gift of children that God has given her. If her child is loud and full of energy? Run around outside and get them tired. If her child is introverted and doesn’t interact the way others do? Ask her how to reach her child and spend some time with that kiddo. If her child is sick and has lots of medical stuff going on? Go to appointments, learn about her child’s diagnosis offer her a break? If her child is a mess maker all day long? Help her clean……

We have the power to encourage or destroy our children, we have the power to help them embrace the incredible human beings that God has created them to be. We have the power to literally change the world for the rest of their lives.

Use your words to speak life into each family regardless of whether their child is the same or different from your children….. No matter what your expectations are, or what the worlds expectaions are….. KNOW that your child/ren are amazing miracles that God has created, that He has created him/her for an incredible purpose, regardless of what the world says. And you know what Momma? YOU ARE DOING AN INCREDIBLE JOB!

How is it September?

I feel like this summer just flew by. It was wonderful and amazing and we made such wonderful memories. Between getting to go to camp and serving as the nurse there, to a wonderful family reunion that was many years in the making, to a wonderful vacation home to see our friends and family, God just blessed us so much! This summer we had two vacations, three birthdays, a wedding and many many other wonderful experiences. We are now fostering two cats, which the kids are absolutely loving. And now that school is in full swing: I have two in middle school and two in elementary school. Three kiddos playing instruments, one playing soccer, and a partridge in a pear tree LOL!

Seriously though, this summer was so incredibly busy but so blessed. It is easy to get in this rut of running around like crazy staying ridiculously busy, and forget to enjoy the moments. Forget to enjoy the snuggles, the laughter and the experience of being a mom, the experience that God created for us. It’s easy to jump in your Mom-mobile and hit the ground running every day without taking a moment to take a breath and praise God for the moments you are experiencing. I am so guilty of this, and am trying so hard to model the behaviors for my children that I want them to focus on…. The behaviors of God first, family second, and everything else falls in after that…..

Several times here lately, we have gotten up and ready for school, and I have forgotten to pray with the kids before they walk out the door, that’s not to say that I don’t pray FOR them, but sometimes I forget to pray WITH them, my goal this year is to focus on GOD and to help the kids do the same. Have you developed a routine that helps foster this? If so do you mind sharing? What types of family devotionals do you do? What does your morning look like before school? How do your kiddos feel about the morning at your house? Is it crazy chaos or is it a place of prayer and strengthening before they head out to the world?

The kiddos were in our babysitters wedding

Family

I was blessed to grow up in a large family. My mom has 7 siblings, 6 brothers and 1 sister. I have 19 first cousins, many of whom are married and have children of their own. We are spread around the world and it isn’t too often that we get together. We were so blessed this year, by two of my uncles who organized the family reunion. We were all staying at different resorts, but they were in close proximity to one another. We had such a great week. I remember as a child playing with all my cousins and making so many memories. I am so glad that my children are beginning to build those friendships with their cousins. SO MUCH FUN!

School day adventures

My sweet PJ who is in kindergarten had quite the fall on Friday. She and another kiddo collided and tripped over one another while on the pavement. My sweet girl ended up on the bottom underneath the other children. Her poor face met the pavement. The teacher called me in a panic, stating that there was blood everywhere, and they needed me to come. The school was so awesome though. The principle the nurse and the teacher were all with my girl. She was sitting with the principal and everyone was helping her. They had gotten the blood from both nostrils to stop. And had ice on her forehead and chin. It looked so bad but she is such a trooper. My poor sweet girl.

It is so hard when your babies get hurt. I am a nurse and I see blood often but there is something about a momma’s heart that changes all the medical knowledge. When your babies hurt you hurt. We got some extra snuggle time together here and I. And then by yesterday she was back to her playful self, although not wanting to chew much as her jaw is pretty sore.

Not sure if you are a football fan, and if you aren’t from New England you probably aren’t a patriots fan. But HOLY COW what a game tonight!!! GO PATRIOTS!!!! Super bowl here we come

Beauty amongst the chaos

Life is crazy and busy and beautiful. I am working two jobs currently trying to get some medical bills paid down. I am raising four incredibly beautiful wonderful talented children. I am a wife a mom a nurse and a child of God. And I struggle ALOT. But recently in this phase of life God has shown himself to me over and over again. Whether it is in the kind words and encouragement of a friend, whether it is extra snuggles from my family, whether it is a babysitter who has gone above and beyond loving my babies while I am working…….God keeps showing me that He can make it all beautiful. I was frustrated with the kids dressers, my sitter took it upon herself to reorganize it all. I was frustrated trying to find a used piano for our house for our daughter for lessons, one was given to us for free. I was overwhelmed with my work schedule, and the schedule was changed to accommodate me.

It really is hard sometimes from the moment to moment stressors of daily life, but when you take a step back you can see God in all of it. I cannot even fathom surviving and thriving without Him. My brother and his wife were just here visiting from Texas and they were so blessed to hear my kids singing worship music each morning. THAT my friends is what it is all about. It doesn’t matter that life is crazy, it doesn’t matter that you are exhausted or overwhelmed at times. What matters is that you give God the room in your life to move, and that you let His light shine on others. My babies? They KNOW HIM! And that is what it is all about. My sweet little kiddos are getting it.

Keep your eyes on the prize. Don’t get buried under your mountain of laundry, the sticky gob of toothpastes all over your bathroom, the smudges on your mirrors and stickers on your windows. Realize that these fleeting moments are just a way for God to show Himself to us in every task that mother hood can through our way. REST! Put your feet up! The dust and laundry will keep until tomorrow.

When those childhood dreams aren’t at all what you had expected…

I was that little girl who always said that I wanted to me a mommy when I grew up. Being the oldest of six kids, and a family that did foster care I found myself always around kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without children in it. And as I grew up I thought that I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. And so that was my dream….. to be a mommy and a pediatric nurse.

Fast forward to my first pregnancy. I unexpectedly found myself pregnant and was over the moon excited. I couldn’t wait to be a mom. Couldn’t wait to hold that baby in my arms. Couldn’t wait to smell them and kiss them and love them. I prayed for a healthy baby, and didn’t care whether it was a boy or a girl. And then I had the miscarriage and thought that my world was coming to an end. I was beyond devastated. I couldn’t imagine that God had anything else for me besides being a mom.

And so began my desperate prayers that God give me children to love. Whether they were my own or someone else’s, didn’t matter. I just needed to pour that love into someone. And so then I was pregnant again. And that pregnancy was filled with so many complications. I remember just begging God to allow this child to live. To allow him to live. As the pregnancy progressed I just kept harping on that it didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl but that it was healthy.

When I held my sweet Samuel for the first time my heart was filled to overflowing. And I was just so incredibly thankful to have him. As we finally were discharged from NICU I could see my whole life playing out before me. I would be a soccer mom, or a football mom. I would be the volunteer in the classroom, I would be the mom that always had playdates and crafts. I was so thankful to God for this incredible gift. And then it happened…… my whole world changed. My prayers for a “healthy child” were not the prayer that was answered.

As I have walked this road of being a mom to chronically ill children my mindset has changed. Where I started was “God I just want him or her to be healthy and happy.” And what they prayer evolved into was much more than that it was “God more than anything I want them to know you and your love, and Lord I want them to know my love. ”

This road has NEVER been easy but I wouldn’t change even one thing., except the financial struggle of having medical kids. But you know my kids are truly compassionate loving sensitive kids who accept others and don’t judge others for being differently abled. They are proud to be helpful and kind. Their hearts hurt when others are hurting. They try to be inclusive and kind to the children’ that are left out.

Would I love to be that soccer mom? Yes sure. But the lessons that this road have taught my family are absolutely priceless. When I see my sweet little guys raising their hands as they are singing praise and worship, when my children weep over those that are hurting and lost, when they are able to look on someone with unending compassion, then I know that this is the exact life that we are meant to live. This life, this journey, is molding us, shaping us into the vessels that GOD wanted us to be, not what I wanted us to be.

So when God doesn’t answer your prayer the way you expected or desired realize that HIs answers are life altering and that He has no ill will towards you. He will make your life beautiful., The life might be messy, and overwhelming and utterly exhausting, but HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL. HE has and He will.

A brand new year of possibility

I am one of those mom’s who loves my kids, loves having them home and is sad when they have to be gone all day long…. this summer has been full of great adventure and lots of happiness. This summer has also been incredibly bittersweet. Knowing that all of my babies would be staying at school all day. I have lived this crazy chaotic life of working overnight and coming home and taking care of my kids while Matt is at work and trying to juggle taking a nap and watch the kids. I have closed all the doors to a crawler in the living room and just laid on the floor too exhausted to move and just been a jungle gym for them. I have stayed awake for more than two days when we didn’t have a sitter to watch them so I could nap. But truly? I wouldn’t give back a single moment. I do wish I could have stayed home and not worked, and been able to enjoy all the moments when I wasn’t tired. But that was not a part of God’s plan for our life. So here we are embarking on a new journey. A journey where I have no preschoolers! A journey where I can come home from work and go to sleep and sleep until I wake up. A journey where I have time to be me. It has been twelve years since I brought Sam home. We have had a crazy wild roller coaster ride. And I love my life. I am sad that this phase is now behind me. I am sad that the schools have my kids longer awake than I will.

But I am also excited. Excited for the friendships that will be made. Excited for the learning that will occur. Excited for the adventures, sports, art projects, concerts, and growing up that they will do this year. I am excited to see all that 7th, 5th, 2nd and kindergarten has to offer. I AM EXCITED TO SLEEP 🙂

But I am also concerned. Concerned for the children who are raised in loveless angry homes. Who come to school bitter and angry. The kids who haven’t been taught to be kind and loving and respectful. The kids who have never received love or who don’t know how to love. I am concerned for the teachers that are tired, that are burnt out and don’t receive the support and supplies they need from their district. I am concerned for the parents who don’t parent their children, and don’t correct poor behavior that will affect other children.

But you know what? God knows! God knows our hearts. God knows our needs and sees those who are broken hearted. As I sent my babies to school this week my prayer has been that God will literally shine through them. That when they see kids that are struggling that they will be the nice kids, the kids that help and support and encourage. We spoke about bullies, and we spoke about how bullies probably also are hurting, and that bullies don’t need people to be mean to them, they need people to love on them and be kind and most importantly to pray for them. So that my friends is what I ask you to do. If you are reading these words. PRAY! Pray for our kids, our teachers, our administrators. Pray for the education system in America. Teach your kids to be kind and loving to everyone. God will be with them. God will go before them. God speed my beautiful babies! I love you more than you will ever know! May this be an incredible year!