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TWO WEEKS….

Today marks TWO FULL WEEKS….. two weeks since I walked, slept in my own bed, took care of my family. Two weeks of not being able to walk, feed myself, or use the bathroom. My “day surgery “ with three month recovery felt like this massive undertaking but I thought that I would be back to home and recovery so quickly.

When you are a busy person it is easy to “plan” and schedule your life….when you are stopped from “being “ you, you learn a lot about who and what you are. I am so thankful that God is carrying me through. There is absolutely no way that I could do this without Him…

Guys two weeks ago (the DAY OF MY SURGERY) this was my daily devotional that day. I read it before surgery and then I hadn’t really thought about it until a couple of days ago. When I reread it I was blown away….. God was reminding me BEFORE this craziness happened where I needed to focus. Guys don’t for ONE SECOND ever think that your circumstances are a surprise to Him or that the path you are on won’t be used for His glory. I know He has big plans for me and that this is only the beginning of the rest of my story.

A surprise

The night before my surgery my sweet Paisley asked if I could still hug her the day after my surgery. And I said “of course, maybe not tomorrow but the next day for sure.” My surgery was March 23rd and here it is April 2nd and I haven’t seen my babies once. Because of COVID-19 the kids aren’t allowed to be in the hospital. Today my husband came to visit and brought me outside for some fresh air. He surprised me with my sweet kids. It did my heart so good to spend these precious moments with my kids

My little Preston didn’t want to let go. I wanted to hug him so badly with both arms.
It just feels so amazing to have them with me

Let’s Do this!

Today was day one of the intense therapy. If I am honest I will admit that even my tired is tired. I am exhausted, but will work as hard as I can to get better. God gave me what I needed to get through today. Three hours of intense therapy. They used different electrical devices today on both my left leg and left arm. It is so crazy to watch your extremities move when you have no control over them.

My husband….

This update won’t be all inclusive as I am only able to use my right hand but I just have to share a little about this week. Sadly after my “day” surgery I have developed left sided weakness and am unable to use my left side. I can’t begin to tell you what a humbling experience it is to not be able to rollover sit up, go to a toilet, brush my hair,etc by yourself. But guys my husband was truly my night in shining armor this week. I don’t think I have wrapped my brain around this being the way things are right now…. but the first night? Was the worst night of my life. Terrifying to say the least. And Matthew was amazing. Constantly caring and supporting me. I am sure I wasn’t nice or appreciative as I should have been. I still can’t believe that he had to wash my face for me or move my pillows or help me move my hips….. but this guy? Totally showed up and showed me that God is still in control of my body and extremities even if it is through others. Thank you will never be enough for what and how you have loved me during this scary week. I know that God has big plans and that the waiting is hard but we will get there. #Godisbigger #Godsgotthis
https://youtu.be/Cd6J6Wgnv4M

Trying to be Joyful

Trying to be joyful in the journey is certainly a little rough today. Still not functioning like I need to….. so very thankful for lots of love, support, prayers and knowledge from so many. The way this has gone is so unexpected. I never ever thought that this was even a possibility. I knew I would have some pain, knew I would not be able to lift some things, and struggle with neck movement for a little while. I never ever thought I would lose the function of my left side, never thought I wouldn’t be able to brush my hair or teeth, never thought I wouldn’t be able to see my kids for an unknown period of time. Social media can be a detriment but right now for me the messages people have been sending have been such a blessing….

. #Godsgotthis #Godisbigger

Surrounded

We are off! Today is the day of my spinal surgery. I know God’s plans are perfect and that the is battle belongs to Him. This song is incredible! If you haven’t listened to it I highly recommend it becomes your anthem to remind you how to fight your battles. Last night my sweet Paisley asked “will you still be able to hug and hold me after your surgery?” I nearly fell apart with those words. I know that I will but to know that she has that fear hurts my heart.

youtube.com/watch

Prayers please

Prayer request**

After a recent MRI I learned the severity of the issues going on with my cervical spine. I saw a neurosurgeon about six weeks ago who stated that surgery was needed but that it didn’t need to be done at that time. He gave me a list of things to be mindful of and to report to him as that would mean progression of the damage to my actual spinal cord , over the last couple weeks things started getting worse. This week neurosurgeon has said that my surgery is now urgent/emergent and is concerned that there may be permanent damage to some of my nerves. So on march 24th I will be going in to have two cervical discs replaced with synthetic discs, numerous bone spurs removed from the spinal cord and the potential of two further cervical discs requiring fusion. Please be praying as we navigate this course, we are so thankful to be surrounded and loved by so many. We are so thankful for the village God has given us to navigate this life. Prayers for lots of things: for my surgical team, for the recovery process, for the people who are stepping in to help us, for our finances as I will be several months without a pay check,for my family as things are going to be different for a while, and for my momma heart as I have to step back from all the things with my kids and allow someone else to do them for me. God always reveals himself to me in trying times and I am thankful for His love and calm that He is giving me as I navigate this road with Him as the driver.

Not enough…

You have a roof over your head, right?

But it’s not enough. You want something bigger, newer, fancier

You have a job?

But it’s not enough. You want more money, more appreciation. To be better fulfilled.

You’re alive?

But it’s not enough. You want to be thinner? Bigger? Stronger? Prettier? More handsome?

You have a vehicle that gets you from point A to point B?

But it’s not enough. You want newer, fancier, faster.

You have a spouse?

But it’s not enough. You want him/her to love you more. Appreciate you more. Encourage and support you more?

You live in a democracy with more freedom than many people in most of the world.

But it’s not enough. You want a different government. A different set of laws. You want more freedom for things you want, and less freedom for the things others want.

You have the option to hear His Word and learn more about the Lord….

But it’s not enough…. there are too many gossips at the church so you don’t want to go there. You want to sleep in on the weekend. You can’t understand the Bible easily.

You could have no job, no spouse, no home, no children, no car, no food, no freedom to worship. I think sometimes we get caught up with always wanting more. Wanting more blessings. But God is MORE! He has given and blessed us so much, but maybe the things we are struggling with desiring are growing us to a new place. Drawing us closer to Him. Sure it is ok to ask God for things, but are you also thanking Him? Praising Him? He gave you eternity with Him! That is beyond the greatest worldly desire you have.

Guys! We are so so blessed! God has poured into us so much. I myself have struggled these last weeks with the craziness of politics. The uncertainty of the future. And as I became overwhelmed I was reminded… God is more than enough! My salvation? More than enough blessing that I don’t deserve.

More than enough in my home, in my marriage, in the lives of my family and friends.

More than enough in my job, in my friends, in the health of my family.

More than enough in my country. More than enough in the uncertainty of my country. More than enough in the government. More than enough for yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I don’t know what tomorrow holds but I know WHO holds tomorrow. Lean into Him, lean into His Word. He knows each need, each fear, each desire. Let Him in to those places of uncertainty, disappointment, sadness and fear. He wants ALL of it, let Him take it from you, let Him carry you through. He is more than enough! Let Him come to you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIdZ5KRiakM&feature=share