A new journey

This past week we were informed that the owner of the house we are renting wants to sell. To say I was blindsided would be a complete understatement. Sure we thought about buying another house as this rental wasn’t supposed to be long term for us. But right now? The thought is overwhelming. And then on Monday our pediatrician reported that she wanted me to take Sam to an endocrinologist, to determine whether his adrenal glands are functioning properly. And then the next day our immunologist called and said that they wondered if Paisley’s white blood cells weren’t functioning appropriately.

And I literally was like “Hey God? Are you there? This definitely is too much.” And then by His goodness He started revealing Himself to me. I can’t tell you how many songs about being overwhelmed or scared, have been blazing throughout my brain continuously. He keeps reminding me every day that He is walking this with me. I honestly have no idea what the future or even tomorrow holds, but I know that HE does. And I am standing on His promises. Knowing that He will open and close the doors that need to be opened and closed.

In other news my sweet PJ decided that she was no longer scared about having her IV put in. And this week when it was put in she was just as brave as she could be without shedding a tear. Sweet little super girl! And a really cool foundation donated a new virtual reality headset that she got to try out . It was so fun watching her reach at things that only could see, or watching her tip completely sideways in the bed. SO SO FUNNY!!!!

Beautifully Blessed

A lot of times in this life, people question, why something does or doesn’t happen. They question whether they are being punished, whether God is mad at them, whether the universe hates them, etc. I always find it so interesting to hear people talk about life in those ways. It often makes me sad. I am an optimistic person by nature, it is easy for me to look on the bright side and try to see the good in certain situations.
But I will be honest, when I had a miscarriage, and then had a very terrible pregnancy the whole time I was pregnant I kept saying “I don’t care what it is as long as it is healthy.” That was my motto. That was how I got through the endless vomiting, the hospital admissions, the surgery while pregnant, the severe eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and complications. And then I had my sweet Samuel Lee. His name means, “shelter from the storm” and “God has heard.”
And then he began to be ill. Began to have all kinds of illnesses, scary things kept happening. Numerous hospital admissions, and specialists, and scary diagnosis. And finally a diagnosis of an immune deficiency. And I remember feeling terrified and overwhelmed, but at the same time feeling relieved that we finally had an answer.
I remember people questioning me and my faith. I remember people making comments about just needing to pray harder and that God would heal him. I remember being told that if my faith was strong my child would be healed. And in those moments of such hurt from those comments God came to me. And He explained things to me in a way that my aching momma heart couldn’t grasp without His supernatural help.
We have not been promised that this life will be easy. We have not been promised health, wealth or happiness. But we have been promised that HE will be with us through it all and that HE will comfort us as we allow Him.
Honestly? Yes I pictured myself as a soccer mom running here and there to games and practices and just living a busy life. But that is not the life that I am called to live. God has called me to have these amazing children. And instead of running here and there to games and practices, I am running here and there to doctor’s appointments, hospitals for infusions and specialists all over the place.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change it. My kids are truly compassionate loving souls who have genuine love and caring hearts for those that are hurting. They know what it is like to feel sick and scared, they have no problem praying for people who are sick, for comforting others who are hurting. They have no problem talking to God like HE is right beside them. And that is worth more than any soccer game that we miss!
I didn’t picture this life, I didn’t picture the financial struggles, the health struggles, the exhaustion and uncertainty. But I also didn’t picture my 4 children at incredibly young ages having the faith that they have, having the relationship to talk with their heavenly Father that they do. It is amazing. And nothing is more important than them having eternity to with their Heavenly Father.
I don’t know your situation. I don’t know your hurts and struggles. I don’t know the fears that you have. But I do know that without a doubt that God can use ANY SITUATION for His glory! Be blessed! Have faith! Find a person to pray with, encourage you and share your heart with. God can bring you through whatever you are struggling with. This life can be overwhelming I know, but He gives us what we need to thrive and be BEAUTIFULLY BLESSED

2019

Happy New Year! A new year filled with promise, filled with hope. A year with such potential. I have so very much to be thankful for. It is so often we get caught up in the mundane day to day life of being a parent, of being a spouse, of being a worker….. we get caught up in the laundry, and the cleaning, the homework, and the cooking. We get stuck underneath the overwhelming daunting to do lists. I am right there with you. This last year has been a tremendous struggle for me.

My husband was injured in January and was out of work….. the financial repercussions of that are still being felt in our family. My children’s medical issues, fluctuated throughout the year, leading to new doctors visits, a surgery and different and more time consuming medical care. The financial burden led me to getting another job in which I was working more than 60 hours a week. The pace was incredibly overwhelming and exhausting, not to mention missing my kids growing.

This last year, there were many tragedies, much heartbreak, and incredible sadness felt by people I care about. But you know what else there was? Incredible joy, God’s provision for WHATEVER was needed, laughter, adventures, lots and lots of snuggles with my babies and so much more.

2018 will go down as a trying year, but it will also go down as a year, where God showed up whenever we allowed Him to. He provided whatever was needed whenever it was needed. And I am eternally grateful.

I am not sure what 2019 will bring for certain. But I do know that God will walk through it with me, and that if I allow Him, He will carry the burden. My hope in 2019 is to be a stronger woman of faith, the wife that God has called me to be, the mother that God has called me to be, and the friend/sister/daughter/Christian God has called me to be.

If you have a need, and you would like prayer please feel free to share this with me, and I will get praying. God moves mountains!!!! You are NOT ALONE

When God doesn’t fix it….

I don’t know about you but I get so frustrated when people make comments about praying harder to fix things. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that God can do absolutely anything and that every prayer that I utter could be answered immediately. But more than that I know that God’s plans for my life are more beautiful than I can even imagine. A part of faith is believing that God’s plans are always better, that the struggles we face are leading us along the path to molding us into who he wants us to be.

I struggle sometimes with people saying pray harder for the kids….. my prayers for my kids has always been that God’s will would be done in their lives, that they would become the man or woman of God that He wants and that their lives would be a testament to his greatness. Regardless of our life situation that has been and always will be my prayer.

I have recently read a devotional from Laura Story about walking through trials and realizing that things don’t always get fixed. That sometimes the plan is beautiful without something getting fixed. Think about it. If you are looking at your past can you think of a situation where you begged God to just fix it and He didn’t? And then it brought you to a place you couldn’t have imagined? God is with you! He is! He has got your struggle in the palm of His hand…. and if He doesn’t fix it, it’s because His plan is more beautiful than you can imagine. Keep the faith. He has got you! If you are looking for a new devotional read this. It is so good .https://d1ndv795ubs8iw.cloudfront.net/media/catalog/product/cache/3/image/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/9/7/9780718036973.jpg_1.1453296835.jpg

A brand new year of possibility

I am one of those mom’s who loves my kids, loves having them home and is sad when they have to be gone all day long…. this summer has been full of great adventure and lots of happiness. This summer has also been incredibly bittersweet. Knowing that all of my babies would be staying at school all day. I have lived this crazy chaotic life of working overnight and coming home and taking care of my kids while Matt is at work and trying to juggle taking a nap and watch the kids. I have closed all the doors to a crawler in the living room and just laid on the floor too exhausted to move and just been a jungle gym for them. I have stayed awake for more than two days when we didn’t have a sitter to watch them so I could nap. But truly? I wouldn’t give back a single moment. I do wish I could have stayed home and not worked, and been able to enjoy all the moments when I wasn’t tired. But that was not a part of God’s plan for our life. So here we are embarking on a new journey. A journey where I have no preschoolers! A journey where I can come home from work and go to sleep and sleep until I wake up. A journey where I have time to be me. It has been twelve years since I brought Sam home. We have had a crazy wild roller coaster ride. And I love my life. I am sad that this phase is now behind me. I am sad that the schools have my kids longer awake than I will.

But I am also excited. Excited for the friendships that will be made. Excited for the learning that will occur. Excited for the adventures, sports, art projects, concerts, and growing up that they will do this year. I am excited to see all that 7th, 5th, 2nd and kindergarten has to offer. I AM EXCITED TO SLEEP 🙂

But I am also concerned. Concerned for the children who are raised in loveless angry homes. Who come to school bitter and angry. The kids who haven’t been taught to be kind and loving and respectful. The kids who have never received love or who don’t know how to love. I am concerned for the teachers that are tired, that are burnt out and don’t receive the support and supplies they need from their district. I am concerned for the parents who don’t parent their children, and don’t correct poor behavior that will affect other children.

But you know what? God knows! God knows our hearts. God knows our needs and sees those who are broken hearted. As I sent my babies to school this week my prayer has been that God will literally shine through them. That when they see kids that are struggling that they will be the nice kids, the kids that help and support and encourage. We spoke about bullies, and we spoke about how bullies probably also are hurting, and that bullies don’t need people to be mean to them, they need people to love on them and be kind and most importantly to pray for them. So that my friends is what I ask you to do. If you are reading these words. PRAY! Pray for our kids, our teachers, our administrators. Pray for the education system in America. Teach your kids to be kind and loving to everyone. God will be with them. God will go before them. God speed my beautiful babies! I love you more than you will ever know! May this be an incredible year!

Not Enough

I have been struggling a lot here lately. Feeling as though I am not enough. Not enough mom, not enough wife, not enough nurse, not enough friend, not enough follower of Christ, quite simply just NOT ENOUGH. I get in these funks when my kids are sick, or when the bills are overwhelming, or when my friends are hurting and I don’t know what to do, or when I am struggling with my marriage, or with my children.

And I know without a shadow of a doubt that yes, it is true on my own I am not enough, but with God I am more than enough. So often this world has us comparing ourselves, wishing we had what others had. Wondering why our children are sick, or our finances are short, or why our marriage is in such a bad place, or why our jobs aren’t fulfilling us. But in each circumstance God has given us such grace such power such strength such love to get through.

You my friend are enough! You are more than enough! In God you have all you need. Don’t compare yourself. Don’t desire (as hard as it is) for what others have. God has blessed you tremendously!

I had a friend recently tell me “why are you so happy with all that you have going on?” And I got to thinking about it. Why? Because GOD! HE is my reason, He is my reason for life, for love, for joy, for peace, for perseverance, for strength. He is my reason for hope, He is my reason to keep on fighting this fight.

Yes there are days where I can let myself feel so overwhelmed and so defeated, but then God gently and lovingly lifts me up, brushes me off, and holds my hand as we move forward.

My Sam had surgery about a week and a half ago. And the night before surgery I was in a really rough place. I was exhausted and worried. Frustrated and angry. It is easy to get there, when you see your kids have chronic illness, and you wonder about how the surgery will go and how the days after will be….. But God in all His wonder and glory always brings me right back to where I need to be. WITH HIM. I don’t know if you know the singer Laura Story, but if you don’t, I highly recommend her song “Blessings.” The lines of this song meet me right where I am at. Sure sometimes we want to question why things happen and why us. This song speaks to that.

We are loving summer. Loving being home and not quite as much crazy chaos. Loving the extra snuggles. Loving family time and movies. I pray that you are too! Be blessed!!!

The End of another year

cannot believe we have completed another year of school. This year has been one of many challenges for our family. Financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually God has really met our needs. I cannot say that things have been easy or that we have always been happy and focused on the knowledge that God would meet the need when it was needed. But HE DID! This year for me I struggled so much with the finances. Having chronically ill children has put such a tremendous financial burden on our family. But God!!! That is all I can say! When I couldn’t figure it out He did. When I lost my hope He gave it back, when I felt like I was too tired and couldn’t work one more extra shift, and not sleep, He gave me what I needed to press on. And here we are these beauties of mine had a great year, well to be honest this year was a challenge for Sam, but he did it and did well, and God blessed him with some good friends, which was so needed.
Sam survived his first year of middle school. I can say it was as bad as I feared unfortunately. And the terrible thing is that it wasn’t about the kids that made it bad, it was the teachers. Sam is an incredible student and he made superintendents list all year (>95 in all classes) in honors classes. But there were two teachers that were just terrible to him. And it broke my heart. I might have unleased momma bear on one of them …. things improved after that. But Sam has struggled more this year with fatigue and stamina so as he is aging the medical is starting to play a bigger role in his life again.
Sophia finished the fourth grade with a great group of friends, with great grades, and with lots of excitement about being the oldest in the school in the fall! She continues to thrive and be social and make friends so easily. She is athletic and funny and loving. God is molding her into an incredible young lady.
My sweet little Preston really found himself this year. He struggled so much in kindergarden and I was so worried that this would be a terrible year. But God grew him so much and he thrived this year. He has surpassed grade level expectations and did amazing. He still fatigues easily and struggles when his immune system is down, but he did it and I am so proud.
My littlest love started Pre-K this year. She was so ready to be a “big kid” and go to school. We were so blessed to send her to a school where the principal and many of the staff were believers and weren’t afraid at all to share it with the students. I remember the first day walking into the school (public)_ and being over the moon excited to see scripture and Christian beliefs displayed. Paisley became such a compassionate child this year. She experienced being on the other side of being sick. There was a child in her class who had had a stroke and was in a wheelchair, she always helped him. Several teachers on several occasions reported that she helped whenever someone was hurt or sick or needed help. It blesses my heart so much to know this.
I look at these kids with such awe. I still cannot believe that I have been chosen to be there momma. How did God choose me? Yes these days can be so long and so exhausting but more than that they are a blessing, it is a blessing to watch what God has planned for these four incredible kids! I cannot wait for the fun summer adventures. The time that I get to love on my babies, in a hopefully less busy schedule. HAPPY SUMMER 2018!!!!!

Florida

I truly cannot fathom the heartache of all those families in Florida after this school shooting. My heart is literally hurting. Tonight at church as our Pastor lead us in prayer for that whole community amd our world I felt His presence so strongly. There is such incredible evil in this world. But God truly is bigger. When these types of horrific tragedies happen it is hard not to question why? Hard to not point a finger. Hard not to get angry amd scared.

But we are not promised tomorrow we are not promised that our walk with Him will be easy. But what we are promised is that He will walk with is through the fire. He will not leave us. My prayer for all of those affected today in Florida is that His peace is with them all. And that what the devil meant for evil will be for His eternal glory.

Would you please join me in praying for Florida and our nation? That we truly will turn from our wicked ways and truly KNOW HIM? Know Him so well that nothing can separate us

Fly like an Eagle

So this is a silly title but I had to write it. I LOVE the NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS. I have been a Pats fan as far back as I can remember. And though I was thoroughly disappointed with the turn out of the superbowl, I am thrilled to see that it was a team of believers that beat us. I love that the Eagles are using this huge platform to share their faith and to allow others to witness it. I was absolutely thrilled as each player came up and said that the glory belonged to God first. So today I want to “Fly like an eagle” And that got me thinking…

We each have a platform that we can use every day every moment every second to bring glory to our God and lead others to Christ. Do you use that platform? Do you take every second that you are blessed with to lead others to Him? Sadly I admit that I don’t, but I surely want to.

My oldest was absolutely reduced to tears with the Patriots loss. And he was so worried about what the kids at school were going to say and how they were going to tease him. My husband and I tried our hardest to encourage him, to support him and to try to remind him that truly it is ONLY A GAME. We shared with him how our actions and our responses to others and to criticism and trials speak volumes about who we are as Christians. He begged to stay home, he didn’t want to be teased. But we made him go, and he realized that his attitude can affect those around him, and by continuing to be a kind kid they left him alone.

We all come across difficult people and situations, difficult family, difficult jobs, difficult teachers difficult coworkers. Our response to each of these situations speaks directly to our relationship with our Father. What does your reaction tell the world about you?

Thy Will

Have you heard the song “thy will” by Hillary Scott? I cannot even begin to wrap my worda around that song to explain how deeply it speaks to my heart. This life, pediatric nursing, momma to sick kids, wife to nearly constantly travelling husband, floundering house keeper, and mist importantly follower of Christ isn’t easy. Isn’t for the faint at heart. Isn’t for those looking for the easiest way.

But boy is it amazing! Yesterday as I sat in the hospital with my sweet 6 year old mentally planning my week with 504 meetings, infusions, work, and taking care of my wife and mom duties God reached down and reminded me of this song. I don’t own the rights to this song or the video. I share to encourage you.

https://g.co/kgs/D64VV1

Listen to the words. Hear them in your heart. God is so good. He is with us. As you go through the daily grind He hears you. No matter the struggle, let His will rule your life. You won’t be defeated

God Bless!!!!