I kind of don’t know where to begin this post. It feels like things have been spinning faster and faster out of control. As I reflect on the last month or so I have learned some things about myself and have literally heard from my Father out loud to calm my fears. As a nurse I have been exposed to many many contagious things throughout my career, which began in 2002. I have been concerned a time or two but never have I been terrified or anxious, never have I lost sleep over the fact that I could bring home some terrible illness to my children.

Fast forward to 2020, which has been dubbed “the year of the nurse”, I don’t agree with this term, and I certainly don’t feel like nurses are the only people dealing with this COVID-19 crisis.  There are so so many people that are dealing with this up close and personal, people that aren’t protected at all.  There are non-medical people delivering supplies, delivering food, cleaning etc.  There are police, firefighters and EMS that are out there every day as well.  There are CO, long term care facilities with technicians, and assistants, there are personal care attendants, there are the cashiers at restaurants, gas stations and grocery stores.  There are so so many heros in this equation.  But tonight I want to share my insecurity and fears, and share how amazing my God is.  Its probably been about 10-12 days since I really began struggling with literal anxiety, which I have never experience before in my life.  I have begun struggling desperately to sleep, I have become weepy and scared, and incredibly overwhelmed.  I have become consumed with thoughts about what happens if I get sick, and pass away.  What will happen to my kids?  Or even worse what happens if my children get this and something terrible happens?  My oldest has also begun saying things like “Mom if we get it will we die?” And this breaks my heart knowing that my sweet 13 year old boy knows that he is in a high risk category due to his health issues.

And then my God showed up everywhere. He is showing up in the friends, neighbors and strangers around the world, who are praying for and encouraging all those on the front lines. He showed up when people began making and donating face masks, headbands, and other supplies to hospitals. He showed up with the friends who call and text, and pray for you. He showed up in the churches who are literally being the hands and feet of Jesus right now, they are out delivering food to hungry families, they are running errands, and supporting people who are struggling right now due to lack of jobs.

I think when the devil started this mess he thought that it would literally destroy us.  But you know what has happened?  Families have slowed down, and spent more quality time together.  I have been cooking with my kids, doing puzzles and playing games, teaching Sophia to crochet, reading stories together, building homes for the gnomes outside with Preston, so many extra snuggles and cuddles.  We have had worship music on almost continuously in my house, and my kids are singing His praises with me almost non-stop. 

When the devil started this did he realize that this would be a time that would make people bind together and work harder to support those in need?  Did he know that families would get to slow down and love on each other in a deeper way?  Did he realize that more people would be exposed to online services and worship would become more personal to each person and their families? 

I don’t think he did.  And now as we are focusing on the true reason for Easter, and not all of the silliness that people get caught up in, I am finding myself so thankful for this crazy time. Thankful that the focus of our lives has been changed, that the crazy schedules and lack of true personal interaction has stopped.  Thankful that this week as we get ready to celebrate the resurrection of my Lord,  that Every Single Day my kids will be home, and their education will be geared towards our Lord and Savior.

I just have to sing the praises of God’s people right now.  For the people that are going above and beyond to serve others?  Thank you! Thank you for serving however you are serving.  Thank you for loving on the front line medical staff in such tangible ways that it brings me to tears so often.  Thank you to those that are working tirelessly making masks, headbands, hats, food, etc.    Thank you to those who are praying for health and strength for dealing with this crisis.  Thank you to the businesses that are saying thank you to the frontline workers, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  Thank you for the prayer vigils, the signs that are thanking the heros, thank you for the food and snacks, thank you for the masks, the headbands, the hats.  Thank you for the donations of supplies and anything that you think would be helpful.

As I have focused on how good God is and how His people have truly stepped up to serve more than ever before, my anxiety has waned.  Don’t get me wrong, I still have some stress thinking about catching this virus or bringing it home to my family.  But I also know that regardless of what tomorrow holds, my God is Still On The Throne, and none of the future is going to happen without Him already knowing.  My God holds tomorrow in His hands! And I can take a deep breathe knowing that! Please continue to pray! Pray for our country and our world.  Pray that COVID-19 is the turning point for people to get their focus back on our Creator, pray for the  health and healing of all infected by this terrible illness.  Pray for all of us that are coming in contact with it, and aren’t adequately protected, pray for our families as we work and stress about not being with them. Pray for those that are suffering financially due to the slow down of our economy, pray for our President and leaders that they would do this God’s way.  Turn your eyes to Him and allow Him to give you the words to pray!