Thankful

So often we get caught up in the mundane things of life. The laundry, the dishes, the cleaning. The kids arguing and complaining, the homework, the sports practices, the music lessons….. sometimes there are phases of life with illness and surgeries that just suck the life out of you, sometimes we just are going through this life and we forget what a blessed life we are living. Sometimes its so easy to complain about how tired we are, how busy we are, how overwhelmed we are. Believe me I know! I am right there with you. Here lately I have found myself feeling so overwhelmed, so tired, and even actually sad. Feeling lonely, feeling anxious, feeling frustrated. And I get frustrated when I am feeling them. Frustrated when someone asks me how I am, and the only thing I can come up with is “tired but ok.” “frustrated, sad or scared.”

I hate when the devil gets under my skin, and uses my current circumstances to get me feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, scared, sad….. whatever. Since my Sophia has been struggling so much since December, I have just been so burdened, so worried about what the future holds. So anxious about what the next doctor appointment or result is going to be. Today at church, a wonderful Godly woman prayed over me and spoke life into my weary heart. She spoke peace and strength. She spoke joy. She spoke rest to my weary soul. I can’t even begin to tell you what her prayers have done for my spirit. I can’t begin to tell you how gracious my God is. That He sent this woman to speak to my weary self, to encourage and strengthen me. To love on me when I was feeling so overwhelmed. He is just so good.

You never know what those still small voices will do for someone. When you allow God to speak through you, you may bless someone beyond your greatest expectations. And that is what has happened for me. I am sure that Jessica has no idea, what her words affirmed in my spirit, she doesn’t have any idea what joy and peace and comfort she brought to me. She doesn’t know that I was feeling so weary, so burdened, so alone. But what she did know? That God wanted her to pray and she was willing. She was willing and able. My prayer is that I am always willing, that when that small voice urges me on to do something that I listen and do as He asks me to. Thank you to those that hear Him and listen to His voice. Thank you for being His hands and feet to those that are hurting. Thank you for loving on people who are walking through difficult overwhelming things. Thank you for being Jesus to the world!!!!

#Blessed

So recently there has been a post going around facebook comparing our circumstances to those of other populations of the world. Have you seen it? Thought about it? Realized how amazingly blessed we are? It is so easy to get caught up in comparing what this one has, what I have to do compared to her, etc…… We see peoples talent shown on social media, whether it is a beautifully decorated home, children excelling in a specific sport or activity, a person being honored for their work, a spouse being cherished in an extravagant way, a family going on a trip to Disney like you wish you could, someones cooking or baking skills way beyond our own…. the list goes on an on……

When we start to look at ourselves through someone else’s lens of life, we can start to question our unique gifts and talents. We can forget all the ways that God has blessed us individually. Do you have a prayer journal? A place where you write your requests down to your Maker? Do you have a dream or vision of your life, and where you want God to take you?

Sometimes I get caught up in the world of I wish I could be a stay at home mom…. I wish I could have healthy kids? I wish we didn’t have mountains of medical bills? I wish my kids didn’t have to go through all the illnesses, infusions, medications, and specialists……. But then I look at my kids, and I see kids who are wise beyond their years, kids who are empathetic and know how to be selfless and kind to those that are hurting. I see kids that are so brave, and willing/able to take a step out into the unknown, I see kids who absolutely 100% know that God is real, that he is with them, that He is with them each step of the way. Ultimately what occurs in this world matters little, what matters is our walk with Him, our decision to follow Him, and our decision to lead others to Him.

When you start to look at things from a Kingdom perspective, you realize the importance of the things that matter, and how so much of this world really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if my house is completely spotless and could be showcased in a DIY home show or a professional magazine, it doesn’t matter if my kid is the star dancer, beauty queen, or quarterback. It doesn’t matter whether I have a million dollars, or a high profile job….

The thing that matters? Him! 100% him! So dear one, don’t compare yourself to your friend’s facebook post or pictures, or your home to HGTV’s homes. Don’t judge your life by the life someone else has been called to live. God has called you! He has called you by name! He has called you to walk the steps you are walking, to the live the life you are living. He has called you to be the mom, dad, sister, brother, aunt uncle friend, coworker…. to change YOUR WORLD, to change the WORLD around you for HIM. Keep Him as your focus, don’t compare your walk with another. Your crown? Shall be given to you in GLORY, and there is nothing that can compare to that.

The Right words at the Right Time

I’ll be honest, this morning I went home after working all night, knowing that I was going to come back in tonight for another 12 hour shift plus an hour drive each way and I was feeling defeated, tired, weary and overwhelmed. I knew that sleep needed to be my main priority for today, that in order to practice safely at work tonight I needed to sleep, but the Mom in me? I needed to go pay the babysitter, I needed to get groceries, I needed to make a healthy dinner for my kids, I needed to do laundry, I needed to take the dog out and exercise him…… ALL IN THE RAIN!

I was feeling so incredibly defeated and overwhelmed. But God! That’s truly all I can say…. He used His people today to encourage and lift me up and help me get through this day. I am always suprised but I shouldn’t be. He meets me where I am at and gives me what I need to make it through another day. I received several messages today to encourage me, and these people? They had no idea that I needed them today, no idea how sad I was. No idea how I was struggling to be enough…… But my God knew exactly what I needed and sent it to me

See? They reached out without having a clue about what was going on…..

THIS….. When another momma gets you, gets your heart and what you are struggling with, even though they don’t know the specifics of this day…..

I can’t pretend to know or understand what you are going through. I can’t say I have been there and done that. But I can tell you that God’s got you, no matter what. No matter the situation, He knows. Reach out to Him, ask Him to fill and renew you, and then set back and watch Him work.

Wow God

I literally have no words to explain how God has been so good to us. You know when the devil starts messing with you and God shows up bigger? That has been the story of my life…… A brief synopsis of our situation….

WE bought the new house which needed TONS of work. We needed to be out of the rental house by this coming saturday the 1st. My husband realized this weekend that he wasn’t going to be able to finish all the work that needed to be done in the house. I put out a request asking for help. I heard from Jessica on sunday night that her and another friend from church would be coming to the new house on monday and that they would complete the painting. Yesterday morning, Jessica called me and said that I could bring Preston and Paisley to another church members home and that she would watch them for the day. As I was dropping the kids off I received a call from Jessica again stating that another couple from our church were headed to my old house to help me pack. Once I got back home I learned that that couple had brought their daughters with them to also help! We loaded their truck and then drove to the new house. While unloading at the new house, Jessica let me know that there were more people coming to help….

Long story short, more than 20 people helped throughout the entire day yesterday. They packed and loaded and unloaded I think 7 trucks and trailers. I am so blown away and humbled by all of it. There were people that helped that didn’t even know us. Our church (and all of God’s people) were totally the hands and feet of Jesus to my family. Our church family has organized someone to come power wash the house as well as has hired someone to come finish the painting that we haven’t finished yet. People helped unpack things, set up beds etc etc….

The devil has tried to have his way in all of this blessing too…… on sunday night the air conditioning in the new house stopped working (did I mention that it is HOT here right now? 100 degrees today, and high 90s for the next week), my van died three times (I have never had one issue with my van EVER), and then last night the refrigerator in the new house broke! But God is resolving each issue in His time, and His answer is way better than mine. The refrigerator repair man is coming tomorrow so we will see what he says……

I feel like sometimes I sound like a broken record but all I can say is WOW GOD! He is just so good. Our circumstances can sometimes be overwhelming and daunting, sometimes it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but God has it all in His hands, no matter what the world throws our way HE HAS GOT IT

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Rejoice

Happy Easter! Rejoicing in His love for us, and that He sent His son so that we would one day be with Him! Can you even imagine? Can you imagine sending your only child knowing what would happen to him? Knowing the severe pain and agony he would experience? Can you imaging watching it happen? Watching your child cry out, and not being allowed to stop it? I cannot even begin to fathom it. I can’t understand how He could love ME (and YOU) so much that He would sacrifice His only son for us! I am eternally grateful. My prayer is that you truly feel and experience the incredible love that He has for you! Happy Easter from our family to yours!!!!

Beautifully Blessed

A lot of times in this life, people question, why something does or doesn’t happen. They question whether they are being punished, whether God is mad at them, whether the universe hates them, etc. I always find it so interesting to hear people talk about life in those ways. It often makes me sad. I am an optimistic person by nature, it is easy for me to look on the bright side and try to see the good in certain situations.
But I will be honest, when I had a miscarriage, and then had a very terrible pregnancy the whole time I was pregnant I kept saying “I don’t care what it is as long as it is healthy.” That was my motto. That was how I got through the endless vomiting, the hospital admissions, the surgery while pregnant, the severe eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and complications. And then I had my sweet Samuel Lee. His name means, “shelter from the storm” and “God has heard.”
And then he began to be ill. Began to have all kinds of illnesses, scary things kept happening. Numerous hospital admissions, and specialists, and scary diagnosis. And finally a diagnosis of an immune deficiency. And I remember feeling terrified and overwhelmed, but at the same time feeling relieved that we finally had an answer.
I remember people questioning me and my faith. I remember people making comments about just needing to pray harder and that God would heal him. I remember being told that if my faith was strong my child would be healed. And in those moments of such hurt from those comments God came to me. And He explained things to me in a way that my aching momma heart couldn’t grasp without His supernatural help.
We have not been promised that this life will be easy. We have not been promised health, wealth or happiness. But we have been promised that HE will be with us through it all and that HE will comfort us as we allow Him.
Honestly? Yes I pictured myself as a soccer mom running here and there to games and practices and just living a busy life. But that is not the life that I am called to live. God has called me to have these amazing children. And instead of running here and there to games and practices, I am running here and there to doctor’s appointments, hospitals for infusions and specialists all over the place.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change it. My kids are truly compassionate loving souls who have genuine love and caring hearts for those that are hurting. They know what it is like to feel sick and scared, they have no problem praying for people who are sick, for comforting others who are hurting. They have no problem talking to God like HE is right beside them. And that is worth more than any soccer game that we miss!
I didn’t picture this life, I didn’t picture the financial struggles, the health struggles, the exhaustion and uncertainty. But I also didn’t picture my 4 children at incredibly young ages having the faith that they have, having the relationship to talk with their heavenly Father that they do. It is amazing. And nothing is more important than them having eternity to with their Heavenly Father.
I don’t know your situation. I don’t know your hurts and struggles. I don’t know the fears that you have. But I do know that without a doubt that God can use ANY SITUATION for His glory! Be blessed! Have faith! Find a person to pray with, encourage you and share your heart with. God can bring you through whatever you are struggling with. This life can be overwhelming I know, but He gives us what we need to thrive and be BEAUTIFULLY BLESSED

2019

Happy New Year! A new year filled with promise, filled with hope. A year with such potential. I have so very much to be thankful for. It is so often we get caught up in the mundane day to day life of being a parent, of being a spouse, of being a worker….. we get caught up in the laundry, and the cleaning, the homework, and the cooking. We get stuck underneath the overwhelming daunting to do lists. I am right there with you. This last year has been a tremendous struggle for me.

My husband was injured in January and was out of work….. the financial repercussions of that are still being felt in our family. My children’s medical issues, fluctuated throughout the year, leading to new doctors visits, a surgery and different and more time consuming medical care. The financial burden led me to getting another job in which I was working more than 60 hours a week. The pace was incredibly overwhelming and exhausting, not to mention missing my kids growing.

This last year, there were many tragedies, much heartbreak, and incredible sadness felt by people I care about. But you know what else there was? Incredible joy, God’s provision for WHATEVER was needed, laughter, adventures, lots and lots of snuggles with my babies and so much more.

2018 will go down as a trying year, but it will also go down as a year, where God showed up whenever we allowed Him to. He provided whatever was needed whenever it was needed. And I am eternally grateful.

I am not sure what 2019 will bring for certain. But I do know that God will walk through it with me, and that if I allow Him, He will carry the burden. My hope in 2019 is to be a stronger woman of faith, the wife that God has called me to be, the mother that God has called me to be, and the friend/sister/daughter/Christian God has called me to be.

If you have a need, and you would like prayer please feel free to share this with me, and I will get praying. God moves mountains!!!! You are NOT ALONE

When those childhood dreams aren’t at all what you had expected…

I was that little girl who always said that I wanted to me a mommy when I grew up. Being the oldest of six kids, and a family that did foster care I found myself always around kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without children in it. And as I grew up I thought that I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. And so that was my dream….. to be a mommy and a pediatric nurse.

Fast forward to my first pregnancy. I unexpectedly found myself pregnant and was over the moon excited. I couldn’t wait to be a mom. Couldn’t wait to hold that baby in my arms. Couldn’t wait to smell them and kiss them and love them. I prayed for a healthy baby, and didn’t care whether it was a boy or a girl. And then I had the miscarriage and thought that my world was coming to an end. I was beyond devastated. I couldn’t imagine that God had anything else for me besides being a mom.

And so began my desperate prayers that God give me children to love. Whether they were my own or someone else’s, didn’t matter. I just needed to pour that love into someone. And so then I was pregnant again. And that pregnancy was filled with so many complications. I remember just begging God to allow this child to live. To allow him to live. As the pregnancy progressed I just kept harping on that it didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl but that it was healthy.

When I held my sweet Samuel for the first time my heart was filled to overflowing. And I was just so incredibly thankful to have him. As we finally were discharged from NICU I could see my whole life playing out before me. I would be a soccer mom, or a football mom. I would be the volunteer in the classroom, I would be the mom that always had playdates and crafts. I was so thankful to God for this incredible gift. And then it happened…… my whole world changed. My prayers for a “healthy child” were not the prayer that was answered.

As I have walked this road of being a mom to chronically ill children my mindset has changed. Where I started was “God I just want him or her to be healthy and happy.” And what they prayer evolved into was much more than that it was “God more than anything I want them to know you and your love, and Lord I want them to know my love. ”

This road has NEVER been easy but I wouldn’t change even one thing., except the financial struggle of having medical kids. But you know my kids are truly compassionate loving sensitive kids who accept others and don’t judge others for being differently abled. They are proud to be helpful and kind. Their hearts hurt when others are hurting. They try to be inclusive and kind to the children’ that are left out.

Would I love to be that soccer mom? Yes sure. But the lessons that this road have taught my family are absolutely priceless. When I see my sweet little guys raising their hands as they are singing praise and worship, when my children weep over those that are hurting and lost, when they are able to look on someone with unending compassion, then I know that this is the exact life that we are meant to live. This life, this journey, is molding us, shaping us into the vessels that GOD wanted us to be, not what I wanted us to be.

So when God doesn’t answer your prayer the way you expected or desired realize that HIs answers are life altering and that He has no ill will towards you. He will make your life beautiful., The life might be messy, and overwhelming and utterly exhausting, but HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL. HE has and He will.

Hurricane Florence

You know as a nurse I have spent many nights, days, holidays, special events away from my family. We have rearranged the schedule for certain events so that I could attend. We have sent Matt and the kids without me. And although I have missed many things over the last 15 plus years, I have NEVER ever struggled so much as I did this past week.

This past Thursday I made my way to the hospital, where I stayed until today, Tuesday. I knew that there had been flooding, that there was no power and that my babies were missing me as much as I was missing them. I knew that they were in possible danger, and that no matter what I did there was no way for me to get to them. This last several days has truly been some of the most emotional and physically draining days of my life.

As the hurricane rolled through we dealt with lots of flooding and wind damage within our hospital. We dealt with many co-workers who actually literally lost everything. We dealt with coworkers like me who basically were trapped far from home without knowing if there families and homes were going to be ok.

BUT…… GOD! I cannot believe the strength that He has provided for me, the emotional as well as the physical. Since Thursday I probably haven’t slept more that 12 hours total. I have been unable to turn off my brain, unable to stop being concerned with the loss that others were experiencing. Within all of this God was so faithful.

He allowed me the knowledge that others were loving on my babies, that they were being kept safe and were having a “fun” adventure. There were so many of God’s people that were reaching out to me during this craziness. I literally was able to go to someone’s home the other day, who I had never met, to rest and shower. These wonderful people provided me with food to eat, a hot shower and a bed to sleep in. They were perfect strangers but realizing that I was basically trapped far from home during this hurricane they opened their doors and their hearts to me.

During the actual storm and the subsequent flooding that occurred, again I was blown away by the goodness of so many. Coworkers going above and beyond to ensure the safety of our patients and all within the hospital. We worked beyond the point of exhaustion. But while we worked, while we were continuously cleaning the water that was pouring in, there was smiles, there was laughter, there was new friendships formed. God had His hand in all of this. And it was such a reminder to me of how God meets us wherever we are at. And yes I would say that this was truly one of the hardest weeks of my life, I can happily say that God met me where I was at and carried me through,

There is so much damage to NC. There is so much devastation, there are so many that have lost so much. Pray, pray for NC. Pray for those that are hurting. God can fill each need supernaturally.

No matter your circumstance and how overwhelming it can be, know that God is with you. That He will meet you where you are at. Just ask Him and then: LET GO and LET GOD

Preparing for Hurricane Florence

We are in the projected path of this monstrous storm. And strangely I am not stressing. I know just as with so many other situations that God has got this. Yesterday an elementary school out in Wayne county posted a video to facebook of the students singing “In the eye of the storm” What an incredible reminder that God is faithful no matter what. The Carolina’s are most likely going to get hit hard. But God remains in control always. I am sad that I will have to leave my babies until it is safe to travel again. That is the one thing that stinks about being an important part of the system of caring for others. In the midst of situations where you want to be with your family you HAVE TO LEAVE THEM. I hate that part. Last night we all snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. I am not sure when I will come back home, and I am sad knowing that most likely they will have no power and will be scared and I won’t be able to help Matt with them. But regardless I know I am needed at the hospital and that God will keep us all safe in His hand! Be praying for us, for the Carolina’s and for VA. And anywhere else this crazy storm is going to go.