The night before my surgery my sweet Paisley asked if I could still hug her the day after my surgery. And I said “of course, maybe not tomorrow but the next day for sure.” My surgery was March 23rd and here it is April 2nd and I haven’t seen my babies once. Because of COVID-19 the kids aren’t allowed to be in the hospital. Today my husband came to visit and brought me outside for some fresh air. He surprised me with my sweet kids. It did my heart so good to spend these precious moments with my kids
My little Preston didn’t want to let go. I wanted to hug him so badly with both arms.It just feels so amazing to have them with me
This is so devastating to be away from my kids. To have no end on site of when I can go home to them. To have no idea what being at home will look like when I finally get to go….. but I am so thankful for technology, for the ability to “play” with my girl through the phone….. so so fun!
After a recent MRI I learned the severity of the issues going on with my cervical spine. I saw a neurosurgeon about six weeks ago who stated that surgery was needed but that it didn’t need to be done at that time. He gave me a list of things to be mindful of and to report to him as that would mean progression of the damage to my actual spinal cord , over the last couple weeks things started getting worse. This week neurosurgeon has said that my surgery is now urgent/emergent and is concerned that there may be permanent damage to some of my nerves. So on march 24th I will be going in to have two cervical discs replaced with synthetic discs, numerous bone spurs removed from the spinal cord and the potential of two further cervical discs requiring fusion. Please be praying as we navigate this course, we are so thankful to be surrounded and loved by so many. We are so thankful for the village God has given us to navigate this life. Prayers for lots of things: for my surgical team, for the recovery process, for the people who are stepping in to help us, for our finances as I will be several months without a pay check,for my family as things are going to be different for a while, and for my momma heart as I have to step back from all the things with my kids and allow someone else to do them for me. God always reveals himself to me in trying times and I am thankful for His love and calm that He is giving me as I navigate this road with Him as the driver.
As a child I dreamed of growing up and becoming a nurse, of becoming a mom. In my career as a nurse I have worked in the pediatric population mostly, but have also done labor and delivery, mother baby, nursery and some special care. What a privilege it has been to be a part of the first moments of life on earth. 2020 has taken so much joy out of caring for people. And oh am I tired. But this week as I was feeling defeated with the incredible hatred and selfishness in our world, God gently reminded me that He came for all of us. Even those people that are hurting my soul. He reminded me that I needed to worship through the storm. And so the other morning as I left work I just began to pray and sing at the top of my lungs. Thanking God for allowing me to be here, for the opportunities that I have to love on ALL of God’s people. And throughout the day yesterday I kept hearing that I was created for such a time as this…..
Last night as Judge Amy became Justice Amy I realized again how we are chosen for these days, these moments. That our purpose is great! That His calling on our life is incredible and that we often don’t know where following His lead will take us. I am praying for Justice Amy and her family. For a hedge of protection around her and all her loved ones. That God will use her to change this world for His glory!
Oh my goodness guys! There is nothing more incredible than leading someone to Christ! It is such an amazing privilege. I have been asking God to give me boldness, compassion and wisdom to be able to lead anyone that I come in contact with to Him. Imagine my joy last night when my sweet 7 year old came and asked me to talk to her about it and then asked me to help her ask Jesus into her heart!!!!! Guys! What an amazing gift He gave me last night. Praying the salvation prayer with my sweet PJ! I am just giddy with excitement and joy of knowing that she has chosen Him forever 😍 Joy unspeakable joy!!!!
Thanking God for saving the babies!
This sweet baby gave her heart to Jesus last night
Are you walking around kind of in a daze at times, wondering if you showered today? Forgetting whether you ate or not? How many times have you had to rewash that load of laundry as you keep forgetting to switch it over?
This mom stuff? It’s so hard, and exhausting, and some days it feels like I can’t possibly do one more thing. BUT GOD! Always God! I was so blessed to go to a Heidi St. John conference here recently with one of my best friend’s on the planet. She flew in from out of state and the two of us took a nice drive (with no kids asking us if we were there yet!) for a weekend to recharge. If you are unfamiliar with Heidi St. John and her “Mom Strong international” organization I highly recommend you get on board. The resources that she has, the encouragement, the support in her community are like no other. This conference was so biblically sound. In our society more and more people are straying from God’s Word, and not standing on the foundation that He has given us! God is no silent, His truth doesn’t change. No matter what our society says about any of it, God’s Word is our ultimate study guide, it has every answer we could possibly ever need. Do you have an amazing mom friend? A prayer partner? Someone you can share this mothering with? If you don’t I highly recommend finding another momma that you can encourage and that she can encourage you.
As a mom, I constantly am wondering if I am doing this right? If my kids will know that they know that they know, that God is God and He is their father. That He sent His only son to die for them, that He wants to take them home to heaven to be with Him. Recently there have been several events on the news that have just absolutely broken my heart, as I have learned about the loss of such young lives. And when I look at my four sweet babies, and I hear the crap that they are hearing at school, and from their friends, I am just so heartbroken for them. That this world is so lost and so broken. My sweet little girl has been told she is fat in the last couple of weeks by her “so called friends.” Now I know that school can be tough, but my sweet girl has spent so many days upset and broke over this craziness, and the world? It keeps filling people with mean spirits, with hatred, with jealously and greed. And as I raise my kiddos I am trying so hard to keep them focused on Him, and to continually remind them that they are HIS, and what the world says ultimately doesn’t matter.
I didn’t put the following scripture or the following slides together, and give full credit to Heidi St. John and her team for pulling these together. God isn’t silent, in the confusion of this world. And we CANNOT BE SILENT EITHER! As Heidi St. John would say “Get off the bench” and fight for your kids. Fight to keep God in their lives, fight to keep His truth in their heart, fight to keep the atrocities of abortion, gender confusion, sexual immorality and so much more away from our kids! You’ve got this Momma! And you’ve got the God of the universe and all of His Armies standing with you!
GOD IS NOT SILENT
Gender Identity Mark 10:6 Created male and female
Human Sexuality Romans 1 and 2 The creator’s instructions
I feel like this summer just flew by. It was wonderful and amazing and we made such wonderful memories. Between getting to go to camp and serving as the nurse there, to a wonderful family reunion that was many years in the making, to a wonderful vacation home to see our friends and family, God just blessed us so much! This summer we had two vacations, three birthdays, a wedding and many many other wonderful experiences. We are now fostering two cats, which the kids are absolutely loving. And now that school is in full swing: I have two in middle school and two in elementary school. Three kiddos playing instruments, one playing soccer, and a partridge in a pear tree LOL!
Seriously though, this summer was so incredibly busy but so blessed. It is easy to get in this rut of running around like crazy staying ridiculously busy, and forget to enjoy the moments. Forget to enjoy the snuggles, the laughter and the experience of being a mom, the experience that God created for us. It’s easy to jump in your Mom-mobile and hit the ground running every day without taking a moment to take a breath and praise God for the moments you are experiencing. I am so guilty of this, and am trying so hard to model the behaviors for my children that I want them to focus on…. The behaviors of God first, family second, and everything else falls in after that…..
Several times here lately, we have gotten up and ready for school, and I have forgotten to pray with the kids before they walk out the door, that’s not to say that I don’t pray FOR them, but sometimes I forget to pray WITH them, my goal this year is to focus on GOD and to help the kids do the same. Have you developed a routine that helps foster this? If so do you mind sharing? What types of family devotionals do you do? What does your morning look like before school? How do your kiddos feel about the morning at your house? Is it crazy chaos or is it a place of prayer and strengthening before they head out to the world?
I was that little girl who always said that I wanted to me a mommy when I grew up. Being the oldest of six kids, and a family that did foster care I found myself always around kids. I couldn’t imagine my life without children in it. And as I grew up I thought that I wanted to be a pediatric nurse. And so that was my dream….. to be a mommy and a pediatric nurse.
Fast forward to my first pregnancy. I unexpectedly found myself pregnant and was over the moon excited. I couldn’t wait to be a mom. Couldn’t wait to hold that baby in my arms. Couldn’t wait to smell them and kiss them and love them. I prayed for a healthy baby, and didn’t care whether it was a boy or a girl. And then I had the miscarriage and thought that my world was coming to an end. I was beyond devastated. I couldn’t imagine that God had anything else for me besides being a mom.
And so began my desperate prayers that God give me children to love. Whether they were my own or someone else’s, didn’t matter. I just needed to pour that love into someone. And so then I was pregnant again. And that pregnancy was filled with so many complications. I remember just begging God to allow this child to live. To allow him to live. As the pregnancy progressed I just kept harping on that it didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl but that it was healthy.
When I held my sweet Samuel for the first time my heart was filled to overflowing. And I was just so incredibly thankful to have him. As we finally were discharged from NICU I could see my whole life playing out before me. I would be a soccer mom, or a football mom. I would be the volunteer in the classroom, I would be the mom that always had playdates and crafts. I was so thankful to God for this incredible gift. And then it happened…… my whole world changed. My prayers for a “healthy child” were not the prayer that was answered.
As I have walked this road of being a mom to chronically ill children my mindset has changed. Where I started was “God I just want him or her to be healthy and happy.” And what they prayer evolved into was much more than that it was “God more than anything I want them to know you and your love, and Lord I want them to know my love. ”
This road has NEVER been easy but I wouldn’t change even one thing., except the financial struggle of having medical kids. But you know my kids are truly compassionate loving sensitive kids who accept others and don’t judge others for being differently abled. They are proud to be helpful and kind. Their hearts hurt when others are hurting. They try to be inclusive and kind to the children’ that are left out.
Would I love to be that soccer mom? Yes sure. But the lessons that this road have taught my family are absolutely priceless. When I see my sweet little guys raising their hands as they are singing praise and worship, when my children weep over those that are hurting and lost, when they are able to look on someone with unending compassion, then I know that this is the exact life that we are meant to live. This life, this journey, is molding us, shaping us into the vessels that GOD wanted us to be, not what I wanted us to be.
So when God doesn’t answer your prayer the way you expected or desired realize that HIs answers are life altering and that He has no ill will towards you. He will make your life beautiful., The life might be messy, and overwhelming and utterly exhausting, but HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL. HE has and He will.
I have been struggling a lot here lately. Feeling as though I am not enough. Not enough mom, not enough wife, not enough nurse, not enough friend, not enough follower of Christ, quite simply just NOT ENOUGH. I get in these funks when my kids are sick, or when the bills are overwhelming, or when my friends are hurting and I don’t know what to do, or when I am struggling with my marriage, or with my children.
And I know without a shadow of a doubt that yes, it is true on my own I am not enough, but with God I am more than enough. So often this world has us comparing ourselves, wishing we had what others had. Wondering why our children are sick, or our finances are short, or why our marriage is in such a bad place, or why our jobs aren’t fulfilling us. But in each circumstance God has given us such grace such power such strength such love to get through.
You my friend are enough! You are more than enough! In God you have all you need. Don’t compare yourself. Don’t desire (as hard as it is) for what others have. God has blessed you tremendously!
I had a friend recently tell me “why are you so happy with all that you have going on?” And I got to thinking about it. Why? Because GOD! HE is my reason, He is my reason for life, for love, for joy, for peace, for perseverance, for strength. He is my reason for hope, He is my reason to keep on fighting this fight.
Yes there are days where I can let myself feel so overwhelmed and so defeated, but then God gently and lovingly lifts me up, brushes me off, and holds my hand as we move forward.
My Sam had surgery about a week and a half ago. And the night before surgery I was in a really rough place. I was exhausted and worried. Frustrated and angry. It is easy to get there, when you see your kids have chronic illness, and you wonder about how the surgery will go and how the days after will be….. But God in all His wonder and glory always brings me right back to where I need to be. WITH HIM. I don’t know if you know the singer Laura Story, but if you don’t, I highly recommend her song “Blessings.” The lines of this song meet me right where I am at. Sure sometimes we want to question why things happen and why us. This song speaks to that.
We are loving summer. Loving being home and not quite as much crazy chaos. Loving the extra snuggles. Loving family time and movies. I pray that you are too! Be blessed!!!
As a nurse I am fortunate to not have to work 5 or more days a week. But unfortunately that also means that my days are 14 plus hours….. I got up this morning at 04:15 and didn’t get home until 8:30pm. If tonight was a school night I wouldn’t have gotten to see my babies today. It breaks my heart. I hate being away from my babies but I love caring for others.
It is so hard. I feel that God has called me to be a nurse and I truly feel blessed to have the opportunity to compassionately care for his children. But then I am feeling guilty because I am paying someone else to care for my own babies😔 Do you feel that way? Blessed to have a calling? But struggling with guilt over other parts of your life?
This walk, this journey, is full of battles and blessings. My scripture reading for today discussed this topical thoroughly. “When we are in the battle it is hard to believe that it will ever come to an end. When we are in a period of blessing we sometimes expect it to go on forever. But life is not like that. There are battles and blessings.”
Proverbs 1:1-7 gives us wisdom for daily living. Joyce Meyer says, that wisdom “is choosing to do now what you will be happy with later on” Wisdom is the fear of the Lord, wisdom is to respect and honor Him. If we honor Him daily, with reverence, if we seek His wisdom and guidance, we will be blessed by His presence in every aspect of our lives, whether we are in a period of battle or a period of blessing.
Sometimes as a mom of 4 children every day life can feel overwhelming, and like a battle. The days when there is lots of whining, or when kids are sick and feeling terrible, when they are short with one another and not getting along. Or when your to do list seems miles long, and your days to do it are just too short. Today was one of those days for me. We are originally from Massachusetts but since we have moved south we are in a area where snow causes everything to shut down. My kids had school cancelled for today and tomorrow, there isn’t even an inch of snow that fell. And therein lies my problem, my battle….. I have so much to do and now am unable to. The kids are home and I absolutely love having the time with them, to do puzzles and games and play…. but that eradicates any time to do my mile long to do list.
Tonight as I did my little Sassy’s infusion, I was reminded that God is with us in all of lifes battles. Some days my sweet 4year old doesn’t mind those needles and some days I am the meanest mom ever for doing it to her. A little snuggle, a little singing and a little Doc McStuffins made this all better.
Battles are always going to come, but God will prevail throughout it all. Be blessed!!!
Beautifully Blessed 