Trying to be Joyful

Trying to be joyful in the journey is certainly a little rough today. Still not functioning like I need to….. so very thankful for lots of love, support, prayers and knowledge from so many. The way this has gone is so unexpected. I never ever thought that this was even a possibility. I knew I would have some pain, knew I would not be able to lift some things, and struggle with neck movement for a little while. I never ever thought I would lose the function of my left side, never thought I wouldn’t be able to brush my hair or teeth, never thought I wouldn’t be able to see my kids for an unknown period of time. Social media can be a detriment but right now for me the messages people have been sending have been such a blessing….

. #Godsgotthis #Godisbigger

See a victory

Don’t for one second take your independence or mobility for granted. Waiting for someone to help you move is entirely humbling. I have no idea why this is happening or what this plays out as but I know how the story ends….. and I know that God is using this and will use this for His glory.

Not the way I had planned

Unfortunately I did not head home yesterday as I had hoped. After surgery I began vomiting wind subsequently lost feeling and sensation in my left side. Currently I am I unable to move my left side, unable to sit up unassisted, unable to stand. Surgeon is unsure of what is going on. But my God knows and He is with me in this battle.

Surrounded

We are off! Today is the day of my spinal surgery. I know God’s plans are perfect and that the is battle belongs to Him. This song is incredible! If you haven’t listened to it I highly recommend it becomes your anthem to remind you how to fight your battles. Last night my sweet Paisley asked “will you still be able to hug and hold me after your surgery?” I nearly fell apart with those words. I know that I will but to know that she has that fear hurts my heart.

youtube.com/watch

Prayers please

Prayer request**

After a recent MRI I learned the severity of the issues going on with my cervical spine. I saw a neurosurgeon about six weeks ago who stated that surgery was needed but that it didn’t need to be done at that time. He gave me a list of things to be mindful of and to report to him as that would mean progression of the damage to my actual spinal cord , over the last couple weeks things started getting worse. This week neurosurgeon has said that my surgery is now urgent/emergent and is concerned that there may be permanent damage to some of my nerves. So on march 24th I will be going in to have two cervical discs replaced with synthetic discs, numerous bone spurs removed from the spinal cord and the potential of two further cervical discs requiring fusion. Please be praying as we navigate this course, we are so thankful to be surrounded and loved by so many. We are so thankful for the village God has given us to navigate this life. Prayers for lots of things: for my surgical team, for the recovery process, for the people who are stepping in to help us, for our finances as I will be several months without a pay check,for my family as things are going to be different for a while, and for my momma heart as I have to step back from all the things with my kids and allow someone else to do them for me. God always reveals himself to me in trying times and I am thankful for His love and calm that He is giving me as I navigate this road with Him as the driver.

He writes the Script Every. Single. Day!

So glad and so very thankful that He writes the script….. Each moment of EVERY. SINGLE. DAY! Sometimes our situations get overwhelming and scary, sometimes we don’t like the next step….. But remembering who is the writer of your story takes control of your heart and mind to keep running towards your goal at the end of this life

6 Reasons why you should trust God:

1) He knows you by name Isaiah 43:1

2)He will fight for you Exodus 14:14

3) He thinks about you Psalms 139:17

4) He has plans for you Jeremiah 29:11

5) He is your refuge Psalms 62:6-8

6) He is always with you Matthew 28:20

My story for His Glory

I am participating in a women’s bible study right now that is on line. The study we are doing is called the struggle is real.

And oh boy is it! This study is having us dig deep into our pasts and think about how our pasts affect how we live out our lives. Do you have a colorful past? Shame? Guilt? Embarrassment? Heartbreak? Are there things in your past that cause you to have walls up? To block people from getting close to you? Are you afraid to let people see the real you?

God’s Word is ready and waiting for you. Ready to break those walls down and build you up to the person He created you to be.

Sure I know God has forgiven me, and that He loves ME enough to send Jesus for me! But have you realized that for yourself? Do you grasp the way He loves you? I cannot even fathom loving someone so much that I would send my only child to suffer and die for them. Can you? Does your heart burst with the joy of knowing that no matter what today brings God is still God and He is bigger than everything we will ever face?

God has got you! In the palm of His hand. It doesn’t matter what happened today, yesterday, last month, last year or 20 years ago. Give it to Him, allow Him to break off those walls of pain, shame and regret. Allow Him to build you into the person that He created you for! There is no time like the present! He loves you and is calling you by name! Do you need someone to pray with you to hear your heart? Reach out! I would love to pray you through your struggle! God loves you so so much! He is waiting for you

The Right words at the Right Time

I’ll be honest, this morning I went home after working all night, knowing that I was going to come back in tonight for another 12 hour shift plus an hour drive each way and I was feeling defeated, tired, weary and overwhelmed. I knew that sleep needed to be my main priority for today, that in order to practice safely at work tonight I needed to sleep, but the Mom in me? I needed to go pay the babysitter, I needed to get groceries, I needed to make a healthy dinner for my kids, I needed to do laundry, I needed to take the dog out and exercise him…… ALL IN THE RAIN!

I was feeling so incredibly defeated and overwhelmed. But God! That’s truly all I can say…. He used His people today to encourage and lift me up and help me get through this day. I am always suprised but I shouldn’t be. He meets me where I am at and gives me what I need to make it through another day. I received several messages today to encourage me, and these people? They had no idea that I needed them today, no idea how sad I was. No idea how I was struggling to be enough…… But my God knew exactly what I needed and sent it to me