As a child I dreamed of growing up and becoming a nurse, of becoming a mom. In my career as a nurse I have worked in the pediatric population mostly, but have also done labor and delivery, mother baby, nursery and some special care. What a privilege it has been to be a part of the first moments of life on earth. 2020 has taken so much joy out of caring for people. And oh am I tired. But this week as I was feeling defeated with the incredible hatred and selfishness in our world, God gently reminded me that He came for all of us. Even those people that are hurting my soul. He reminded me that I needed to worship through the storm. And so the other morning as I left work I just began to pray and sing at the top of my lungs. Thanking God for allowing me to be here, for the opportunities that I have to love on ALL of God’s people. And throughout the day yesterday I kept hearing that I was created for such a time as this…..
Last night as Judge Amy became Justice Amy I realized again how we are chosen for these days, these moments. That our purpose is great! That His calling on our life is incredible and that we often don’t know where following His lead will take us. I am praying for Justice Amy and her family. For a hedge of protection around her and all her loved ones. That God will use her to change this world for His glory!
Oh my goodness guys! There is nothing more incredible than leading someone to Christ! It is such an amazing privilege. I have been asking God to give me boldness, compassion and wisdom to be able to lead anyone that I come in contact with to Him. Imagine my joy last night when my sweet 7 year old came and asked me to talk to her about it and then asked me to help her ask Jesus into her heart!!!!! Guys! What an amazing gift He gave me last night. Praying the salvation prayer with my sweet PJ! I am just giddy with excitement and joy of knowing that she has chosen Him forever 😍 Joy unspeakable joy!!!!
Thanking God for saving the babies!
This sweet baby gave her heart to Jesus last night
So here I am a nearly forty year old looking desperately for what God would have me to do. I mean I know He has called me to be a mom and He has blessed me with five kiddos (4 here on earth and the one that I can’t wait to meet in heaven), I know He has called me to be a wife and a nurse as well. But if I am being honest I want God to give me this step by step play book. I want God to give me a glimpse of what my story will be. I want God to show me how my story will lead others to Him.
When I said “my story for His glory” I want to see His plan and I want to know the ending even though I am only in the middle. God hasn’t called us to know the ending. He has called us to follow His lead and His guidance. So as we are muddling our way through the craziness of 2020, are you constantly telling Him to use you for His glory? Are you telling Him that you are willing and able to be used greatly by Him?
I urge you to keep seeking His will and guidance for each step you take. 2020 has shown us how ugly and crazy things in this world 🌎 can be. But are we showing 2020 how amazing the God of the universe is? Are we allowing Him to use us for His glory? Today ask Him to use you in mighty ways! Ask Him to change the world using you! Ask Him for each encounter you have on this earth to be one that leads others to Him.
There was an old song that I used to listen to called Speak to Me Lord by Rebecca St. James. And we should all be living in that place. Asking God to speak to us in every moment, in every decision, in every circumstance. We should be saying Hey God here I am ! I am yours! Now what can I do to serve you and to bring others to know you?
I am participating in a women’s bible study right now that is on line. The study we are doing is called the struggle is real.
And oh boy is it! This study is having us dig deep into our pasts and think about how our pasts affect how we live out our lives. Do you have a colorful past? Shame? Guilt? Embarrassment? Heartbreak? Are there things in your past that cause you to have walls up? To block people from getting close to you? Are you afraid to let people see the real you?
God’s Word is ready and waiting for you. Ready to break those walls down and build you up to the person He created you to be.
Sure I know God has forgiven me, and that He loves ME enough to send Jesus for me! But have you realized that for yourself? Do you grasp the way He loves you? I cannot even fathom loving someone so much that I would send my only child to suffer and die for them. Can you? Does your heart burst with the joy of knowing that no matter what today brings God is still God and He is bigger than everything we will ever face?
God has got you! In the palm of His hand. It doesn’t matter what happened today, yesterday, last month, last year or 20 years ago. Give it to Him, allow Him to break off those walls of pain, shame and regret. Allow Him to build you into the person that He created you for! There is no time like the present! He loves you and is calling you by name! Do you need someone to pray with you to hear your heart? Reach out! I would love to pray you through your struggle! God loves you so so much! He is waiting for you
So I know that many of us are struggling, emotionally, financially, spiritually and in many other ways. In these crazy times it is easy to get wrapped up in the news and social media. ITs easy to get focused on the “I can’t……” it’s east to think back several months and get sad, angry, frustrated, anxious, depressed……..
I have been blessed to have never experienced anxiety before. But several weeks ago I began to experience anxiety. I became fixated on going to work and what happens if I brought COVID19 home to my family. I became fixated on the fact that I didn’t feel adequately protected, fixated on every little sniffle, cough, sneeze that I heard. My oldest asked if I thought that he would die if he got it….. that tore my heart to pieces. When you are a parent of immunocompromised kids and you work in the medical field, their are thoughts in the back of my mind a lot about what happens if I accidentally bring this particular germ home to my kids…. almost all of the time it is a fleeting thought as I always remind myself that GOD’S GOT THIS! In all of the situations that I face. But COVID19 has been different for me.
My SamMy younger three
I struggled for a couple days, was unable to sleep, was crying a lot. And then I remembered the God that I serve has promised to be with me, has promised to walk with me through this life. And then and there I began to ask Him to show up…… to meet me where I was at and to reveal Himself to me each time that I became overwhelmed. And boy has He…….. sure if you look at some of this you can say it’s a coincidence…… but I know 100% that He is the reason for all of it…..
In the last several weeks, we have been given some groceries, clothing for Sophia and I, our nurse brought face masks for Preston and Paisley, a friend from home made me a couple of masks and I was slain sent some headbands, and I also received some from people here in NC. So now we all have them in case of an emergency and we need to leave. One of my coworkers bought our whole department face protection so we each have our own now. We have been loaned an iPad to help with all this on line schooling.
As a pediatric nurse I loved receiving this The Very Hungry Caterpillar maskPreston loves his maskHeadband to protect my ears
Over the last several weeks Matt and I have been looking for laundry sanitizer and haven’t been able to locate it for more than a month. This last week I began to get anxious about running out and not having a good way to get the germs out of my scrubs and of Matt’s clothes and that my family would get sick. I mentioned it to a couple of people and they began looking for it for me. No one had any luck…… I said ok God , help please! I was helping a local business that has made and donated more than 1000 masks! And I mentioned to them that I was in need of the sanitizer, they shared my need and people began bringing the sanitizer to them. Not only do I have enough for us, but I can share…….between two other nurses, a tech who works in the hospital and a police officer within my family we all are out working in the community. Again some may think that God didn’t have anything to do with this, but I know He met the need with His people. I know that people who don’t know me at all donated to me and didn’t charge me. That is a God thing.
I know COVID19 has been so destructive and hard. But there has been a total change in people. Families get to be together more, more quality time,more puzzles games and crafts, more family dinners and movies together. More kindness and compassion in general. More generosity and creativity. To some they may try to attribute all of this to something other than God but I know that He is the reason for the goodness coming out of this crazy. I have also been so excited to see and hear about the prayer vigils around the world. Christians around the world have been mobilized to help others and I am so amazed at what God’s people can do
I encourage you that if you are struggling in this time, that you ask Him to show up and move out of the way so He can move. I promise no matter what God will meet you where you are, you just have to ask and believe.
I kind of don’t know where to begin this post. It feels like things have been spinning faster and faster out of control. As I reflect on the last month or so I have learned some things about myself and have literally heard from my Father out loud to calm my fears. As a nurse I have been exposed to many many contagious things throughout my career, which began in 2002. I have been concerned a time or two but never have I been terrified or anxious, never have I lost sleep over the fact that I could bring home some terrible illness to my children.
We have to continuously wear goggles and masks the entire time we are here in the hospital now
Fast forward to 2020, which has been dubbed “the year of the nurse”, I don’t agree with this term, and I certainly don’t feel like nurses are the only people dealing with this COVID-19 crisis. There are so so many people that are dealing with this up close and personal, people that aren’t protected at all. There are non-medical people delivering supplies, delivering food, cleaning etc. There are police, firefighters and EMS that are out there every day as well. There are CO, long term care facilities with technicians, and assistants, there are personal care attendants, there are the cashiers at restaurants, gas stations and grocery stores. There are so so many heros in this equation. But tonight I want to share my insecurity and fears, and share how amazing my God is. Its probably been about 10-12 days since I really began struggling with literal anxiety, which I have never experience before in my life. I have begun struggling desperately to sleep, I have become weepy and scared, and incredibly overwhelmed. I have become consumed with thoughts about what happens if I get sick, and pass away. What will happen to my kids? Or even worse what happens if my children get this and something terrible happens? My oldest has also begun saying things like “Mom if we get it will we die?” And this breaks my heart knowing that my sweet 13 year old boy knows that he is in a high risk category due to his health issues.
And then my God showed up everywhere. He is showing up in the friends, neighbors and strangers around the world, who are praying for and encouraging all those on the front lines. He showed up when people began making and donating face masks, headbands, and other supplies to hospitals. He showed up with the friends who call and text, and pray for you. He showed up in the churches who are literally being the hands and feet of Jesus right now, they are out delivering food to hungry families, they are running errands, and supporting people who are struggling right now due to lack of jobs.
I think when the devil started this mess he thought that it would literally destroy us. But you know what has happened? Families have slowed down, and spent more quality time together. I have been cooking with my kids, doing puzzles and playing games, teaching Sophia to crochet, reading stories together, building homes for the gnomes outside with Preston, so many extra snuggles and cuddles. We have had worship music on almost continuously in my house, and my kids are singing His praises with me almost non-stop.
When the devil started this did he realize that this would be a time that would make people bind together and work harder to support those in need? Did he know that families would get to slow down and love on each other in a deeper way? Did he realize that more people would be exposed to online services and worship would become more personal to each person and their families?
I don’t think he did. And now as we are focusing on the true reason for Easter, and not all of the silliness that people get caught up in, I am finding myself so thankful for this crazy time. Thankful that the focus of our lives has been changed, that the crazy schedules and lack of true personal interaction has stopped. Thankful that this week as we get ready to celebrate the resurrection of my Lord, that Every Single Day my kids will be home, and their education will be geared towards our Lord and Savior.
I just have to sing the praises of God’s people right now. For the people that are going above and beyond to serve others? Thank you! Thank you for serving however you are serving. Thank you for loving on the front line medical staff in such tangible ways that it brings me to tears so often. Thank you to those that are working tirelessly making masks, headbands, hats, food, etc. Thank you to those who are praying for health and strength for dealing with this crisis. Thank you to the businesses that are saying thank you to the frontline workers, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the prayer vigils, the signs that are thanking the heros, thank you for the food and snacks, thank you for the masks, the headbands, the hats. Thank you for the donations of supplies and anything that you think would be helpful.
As I have focused on how good God is and how His people have truly stepped up to serve more than ever before, my anxiety has waned. Don’t get me wrong, I still have some stress thinking about catching this virus or bringing it home to my family. But I also know that regardless of what tomorrow holds, my God is Still On The Throne, and none of the future is going to happen without Him already knowing. My God holds tomorrow in His hands! And I can take a deep breathe knowing that! Please continue to pray! Pray for our country and our world. Pray that COVID-19 is the turning point for people to get their focus back on our Creator, pray for the health and healing of all infected by this terrible illness. Pray for all of us that are coming in contact with it, and aren’t adequately protected, pray for our families as we work and stress about not being with them. Pray for those that are suffering financially due to the slow down of our economy, pray for our President and leaders that they would do this God’s way. Turn your eyes to Him and allow Him to give you the words to pray!
My sweet girl has had such a terrible few months. She has now had strep six times since September. Her time at middle school has been a challenge due to all this illness. We finally got her tonsils out this month and she has had quite the time recovering from that as well. We spent a few days in the hospital after the tonsillectomy due to dehydration and weight loss, and it was during that period that we are finally starting to look into her being immunocompromised like her siblings. I don’t know why it is hurting me so much to start saying that out loud. I don’t know why it seems so overwhelming and scary. I know this role, I know how to navigate having sick kiddos, but for some reason with her it just feels like too much. And don’t get me wrong, we don’t have any definitive answers that she is, or isn’t but it is just feeling more and more like she is. And I am so sad for her. So sad for what that entails. So sad that another one of my babies may have such a rough road. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I did something that caused this.
My sweet girl has had such a rough go of her transition into middle school. She has been sick so much. She has now had strep throat six times since September. She has missed so much school and has struggled to keep up with the class work. She also has been having some GI issues which have been exacerbated by all the antibiotic use for the strep throat.
We finally had her tonsils and adenoids out this month, and she has had a terrible time recovering from that. She ended up being readmitted for three more days after the surgery due to dehydration and weight loss. Her throat being sore caused her to eat slower, and since her belly was already a mess she was eating even less than previous. In that admission we have really started discussing her immune system and questioning whether or not she may also be immunocompromised like her siblings. I don’t know why that is so overwhelming and scary to me. I don’t know why this is affecting me so much. I know how to do this. I know how to navigate with sick kiddos, I have been walking this road for such a long time. But for some reason this one feels so different. I am so sad for her, so overwhelmed for what this may mean for her. So sad for the rough road that she has been on here lately. Please be praying for my girl. Pray for healing of her body, healing of whatever is going on with her belly (she will be scoped next month to determine what is going on), pray for her immune system, that our God can strengthen and sustain her. That she isn’t immunocompromised like her siblings. Pray for her emotional health, as this has all been very overwhelming for her. Pray for her spiritual health, that she will lean on Him through all of the struggles that she faces. And please pray for me, that I can be the mother to her that she needs, that God will use me to encourage and strengthen her.
So often we get caught up in the mundane things of life. The laundry, the dishes, the cleaning. The kids arguing and complaining, the homework, the sports practices, the music lessons….. sometimes there are phases of life with illness and surgeries that just suck the life out of you, sometimes we just are going through this life and we forget what a blessed life we are living. Sometimes its so easy to complain about how tired we are, how busy we are, how overwhelmed we are. Believe me I know! I am right there with you. Here lately I have found myself feeling so overwhelmed, so tired, and even actually sad. Feeling lonely, feeling anxious, feeling frustrated. And I get frustrated when I am feeling them. Frustrated when someone asks me how I am, and the only thing I can come up with is “tired but ok.” “frustrated, sad or scared.”
I hate when the devil gets under my skin, and uses my current circumstances to get me feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, scared, sad….. whatever. Since my Sophia has been struggling so much since December, I have just been so burdened, so worried about what the future holds. So anxious about what the next doctor appointment or result is going to be. Today at church, a wonderful Godly woman prayed over me and spoke life into my weary heart. She spoke peace and strength. She spoke joy. She spoke rest to my weary soul. I can’t even begin to tell you what her prayers have done for my spirit. I can’t begin to tell you how gracious my God is. That He sent this woman to speak to my weary self, to encourage and strengthen me. To love on me when I was feeling so overwhelmed. He is just so good.
You never know what those still small voices will do for someone. When you allow God to speak through you, you may bless someone beyond your greatest expectations. And that is what has happened for me. I am sure that Jessica has no idea, what her words affirmed in my spirit, she doesn’t have any idea what joy and peace and comfort she brought to me. She doesn’t know that I was feeling so weary, so burdened, so alone. But what she did know? That God wanted her to pray and she was willing. She was willing and able. My prayer is that I am always willing, that when that small voice urges me on to do something that I listen and do as He asks me to. Thank you to those that hear Him and listen to His voice. Thank you for being His hands and feet to those that are hurting. Thank you for loving on people who are walking through difficult overwhelming things. Thank you for being Jesus to the world!!!!
You know as a mom, I have prided myself with kind of taking things in a stride for the most part with the kids…. premature? No problem I can handle it. Meningitis? Sure no problem. C. Diff? Gross, but I can take care of it…. surgeries? Scopes? Biopsies? Weird blood work? Hospital admission? Ok let’s roll with the punches. I always always know that God is completely in control and I am so thankful.
And you know weird stuff arises and we just keep on going, knowing that He is the author of our story. I often tell myself that I don’t need to stress, don’t need to worry, don’t need to focus on the particular incident at hand…. God gives me such peace through so much of the craziness. But tonight? I am anxious and overwhelmed. You know when Sam was diagnosed with his immune deficiency and the doctors told us that he had a high risk for autoimmune disorders and cancer? I literally was hysterical weeping but then God met me where I was at. Now having three kiddos that are immunocompromised, those risks are tripled. That is a lot to take for my momma ❤️. Today I was saddened to hear of another immune compromised person who has passed away from an infection made worse by being immunocompromised. I have read this persons story and followed their illness…. this was a “normal” physically fit and active person who just in November was competing in track meets and has now passed away. I can’t seem to wrap my brain around how quickly this illness sapped his strength and ability to fight off infection
As I loved on my babies today I couldn’t help but think about this young life that ended too soon, from something that you and I could fight off without even batting an eye. To think that my children could face something similar….. I just can’t even fathom😢
Sam the ManSweet Sophia, who doesn’t have a diagnosis but sometimes I wonder….My sweet little Preston, who historically is the one who struggles so much when he gets sickMy baby Paisley Jean, the perfect grand finale to our family
These four babies are my greatest accomplishment. I am so very thankful that God chose me to be their momma…. but tonight I am overwhelmed with the “what if’s….” of the future .
So I have heard so many people complaining lately and I get so very frustrated. I feel like as a Christian we should be able to look at our circumstances and realize that no matter how things appear that God is ALWAYS in control as long as we give Him FIRST place in our lives. I have really been trying to focus on His power and His presence in our circumstances. I read something this week about complaining about where God was…. and that if you aren’t in His Word then you shouldn’t be complaining because you haven’t been seeking His answers.
As we begin 2020 my desire and sincere hope is that I keep my focus on the amazing blessings He has given me, and that when my circumstances are challenging that I focus on Him and praising Him through the storm! My desire is to be better at coming to His Word immediately when the world comes at me. To not get anxious, worried, or angry, but instead to immediately come to my Father’s throne and praise Him through it all.
I have started a daily prayer journal in my quest to hold myself accountable. Want to join me? Let’s motivate and encourage one another. Let’s make His Word and seeking His face immediately in every circumstance our first priority. Let’s let Him do His thing, and let’s praise Him in the journey
Beautifully Blessed 