Getting in His Word

Gosh so often in the day to day life I get so caught up in my to do list. Rushing through one thing because I have so many more things to do. Rushing through every moment, not at all enjoying any of them because I keep thinking of what’s next. This COVID-19 issue has slowed so many people down and allowed us to cut out the things in our lives that was truly just keeping us busy. In the slow down I have really come to realize how little I get down and into His Word. I am embarrassed to say that out loud. Embarrassed to say that some days I do my quick little devotional and have my conversation and prayer time, but don’t get into His Word. I hate to say anything political on this page but the way the world is going, sometimes I am fearful that if certain populations of people get into office, our religious freedom will be stripped away, that our Bibles won’t be readily available. That our places of worship and teaching will be closed…… That terrifies me! And so here I am trying to do a better job of hiding His Word in my heart.

I am so fortunate to be in a church with a group of women who have decided to have a facebook bible study group. We are doing this bible study called “What the Women Saw” by Sadie Robertson Huff. The premise of this study “Do women matter to the kingdom of God?” We are studying the lives of Mary, Martha, Mary Magdalene, and others. A quote from Sadie about the book ” you will learn from their faith and failures and be reminded that Jesus cared for and valued the women he was surrounded by. He equipped them, listened to them, walked with them, healed them, and empowered them. And he does the same for you now.”

Are you like me? Do you feel ordinary? Not enough? Too boring? Too sloppy? Not smart enough? Not pretty enough? Not organized enough?

Luke 1:30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary for you have found favour with the God

In biblical times, God found favor with Mary. Back then women were viewed as “less than” not as worthy as men. And here is Mary, who God chose Mary, chose her to carry the Savior of the world!

Luke 1:38 And Mary said, “Behold I am the servant of the Lord, let it be unto me according to your Word” and the angel departed from her.

Think about biblical times, about what would have happened if you became pregnant before you were married! You would have been judged, ostracized, maybe even killed. Mary’s entire life is hanging in the balance! She has absolutely no control over her circumstance, no control over how she will be looked at and judged. She probably was even concerned for her relationship with Joseph, maybe fearful that he would reject her and turn her away. And yet she said “let it be unto me according to your word”!!!! How I wish that I could say that I would say the same…… She knew that this would be costly, and yet she said its good Lord use me! She was obedient to His Call on her life. She said whatever you want God, use me.

2020 has been such a challenging year, so many things have seemed so absolutely ridiculous and out of control. I mean if I would have told you last november that our kids wouldn’t be ALLOWED to go to school, that gyms, stores, playgrounds, and everything you can imagine would be shut down, that you wouldn’t be allowed to go to church, to gather for graduations, weddings, births and funerals you would have thought I was crazy. And yet here we are, walking a path that has never been walked before. I want to be a Mary do you ? I want to say “yes God let it be unto me according to your Word” Are you being called into something that is uncomfortable or hard? Are you struggling, is there a still small voice telling you to do something and you just aren’t quite ready? If so, I encourage you, do as He says. He has great things planned for us. When we step out God can change the world with our obedience. Mary knew the love of God, she knew that He would see her through. She knew that this choice would be hard, but she knew that God would be with her through all of it, and now her obedience has shaped eternity.

As Jennie Allen said “we’ve got to realized that our choices, those impact our trust. But our trust will also impact our choices. Surrender is not a passive thing, it is one of the most difficult things we will ever do but that moment will come where you”ll say God let it be as you say or you’ll be passive and set down the very things that God’s putting in your life to change other peoples. Mary said yes and you guys it changed eternity”

As I follow this study I hope to gain the strength to stand up and do as He is asking! Whether it is witnessing to someone that I don’t know, praying for someone, calling someone who God lays on my heart. Whatever it is that God is calling you to do, know that He has ALREADY equipped you to do it, you just have to step out in Him. I don’t really know how to share this link to the study but if you are looking for something to encourage you in your obedience and faith. I highly recommend this study

This Crazy New Normal

I kind of don’t know where to begin this post. It feels like things have been spinning faster and faster out of control. As I reflect on the last month or so I have learned some things about myself and have literally heard from my Father out loud to calm my fears. As a nurse I have been exposed to many many contagious things throughout my career, which began in 2002. I have been concerned a time or two but never have I been terrified or anxious, never have I lost sleep over the fact that I could bring home some terrible illness to my children.

We have to continuously wear goggles and masks the entire time we are here in the hospital now

Fast forward to 2020, which has been dubbed “the year of the nurse”, I don’t agree with this term, and I certainly don’t feel like nurses are the only people dealing with this COVID-19 crisis. There are so so many people that are dealing with this up close and personal, people that aren’t protected at all. There are non-medical people delivering supplies, delivering food, cleaning etc. There are police, firefighters and EMS that are out there every day as well. There are CO, long term care facilities with technicians, and assistants, there are personal care attendants, there are the cashiers at restaurants, gas stations and grocery stores. There are so so many heros in this equation. But tonight I want to share my insecurity and fears, and share how amazing my God is. Its probably been about 10-12 days since I really began struggling with literal anxiety, which I have never experience before in my life. I have begun struggling desperately to sleep, I have become weepy and scared, and incredibly overwhelmed. I have become consumed with thoughts about what happens if I get sick, and pass away. What will happen to my kids? Or even worse what happens if my children get this and something terrible happens? My oldest has also begun saying things like “Mom if we get it will we die?” And this breaks my heart knowing that my sweet 13 year old boy knows that he is in a high risk category due to his health issues.

And then my God showed up everywhere. He is showing up in the friends, neighbors and strangers around the world, who are praying for and encouraging all those on the front lines. He showed up when people began making and donating face masks, headbands, and other supplies to hospitals. He showed up with the friends who call and text, and pray for you. He showed up in the churches who are literally being the hands and feet of Jesus right now, they are out delivering food to hungry families, they are running errands, and supporting people who are struggling right now due to lack of jobs.

I think when the devil started this mess he thought that it would literally destroy us. But you know what has happened? Families have slowed down, and spent more quality time together. I have been cooking with my kids, doing puzzles and playing games, teaching Sophia to crochet, reading stories together, building homes for the gnomes outside with Preston, so many extra snuggles and cuddles. We have had worship music on almost continuously in my house, and my kids are singing His praises with me almost non-stop.

When the devil started this did he realize that this would be a time that would make people bind together and work harder to support those in need? Did he know that families would get to slow down and love on each other in a deeper way? Did he realize that more people would be exposed to online services and worship would become more personal to each person and their families?

I don’t think he did. And now as we are focusing on the true reason for Easter, and not all of the silliness that people get caught up in, I am finding myself so thankful for this crazy time. Thankful that the focus of our lives has been changed, that the crazy schedules and lack of true personal interaction has stopped. Thankful that this week as we get ready to celebrate the resurrection of my Lord, that Every Single Day my kids will be home, and their education will be geared towards our Lord and Savior.

I just have to sing the praises of God’s people right now. For the people that are going above and beyond to serve others? Thank you! Thank you for serving however you are serving. Thank you for loving on the front line medical staff in such tangible ways that it brings me to tears so often. Thank you to those that are working tirelessly making masks, headbands, hats, food, etc. Thank you to those who are praying for health and strength for dealing with this crisis. Thank you to the businesses that are saying thank you to the frontline workers, thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for the prayer vigils, the signs that are thanking the heros, thank you for the food and snacks, thank you for the masks, the headbands, the hats. Thank you for the donations of supplies and anything that you think would be helpful.

As I have focused on how good God is and how His people have truly stepped up to serve more than ever before, my anxiety has waned. Don’t get me wrong, I still have some stress thinking about catching this virus or bringing it home to my family. But I also know that regardless of what tomorrow holds, my God is Still On The Throne, and none of the future is going to happen without Him already knowing. My God holds tomorrow in His hands! And I can take a deep breathe knowing that! Please continue to pray! Pray for our country and our world. Pray that COVID-19 is the turning point for people to get their focus back on our Creator, pray for the health and healing of all infected by this terrible illness. Pray for all of us that are coming in contact with it, and aren’t adequately protected, pray for our families as we work and stress about not being with them. Pray for those that are suffering financially due to the slow down of our economy, pray for our President and leaders that they would do this God’s way. Turn your eyes to Him and allow Him to give you the words to pray!

Sweet Sophia

My sweet girl has had such a terrible few months. She has now had strep six times since September. Her time at middle school has been a challenge due to all this illness. We finally got her tonsils out this month and she has had quite the time recovering from that as well. We spent a few days in the hospital after the tonsillectomy due to dehydration and weight loss, and it was during that period that we are finally starting to look into her being immunocompromised like her siblings. I don’t know why it is hurting me so much to start saying that out loud. I don’t know why it seems so overwhelming and scary. I know this role, I know how to navigate having sick kiddos, but for some reason with her it just feels like too much. And don’t get me wrong, we don’t have any definitive answers that she is, or isn’t but it is just feeling more and more like she is. And I am so sad for her. So sad for what that entails. So sad that another one of my babies may have such a rough road. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I did something that caused this.

Thankful

So often we get caught up in the mundane things of life. The laundry, the dishes, the cleaning. The kids arguing and complaining, the homework, the sports practices, the music lessons….. sometimes there are phases of life with illness and surgeries that just suck the life out of you, sometimes we just are going through this life and we forget what a blessed life we are living. Sometimes its so easy to complain about how tired we are, how busy we are, how overwhelmed we are. Believe me I know! I am right there with you. Here lately I have found myself feeling so overwhelmed, so tired, and even actually sad. Feeling lonely, feeling anxious, feeling frustrated. And I get frustrated when I am feeling them. Frustrated when someone asks me how I am, and the only thing I can come up with is “tired but ok.” “frustrated, sad or scared.”

I hate when the devil gets under my skin, and uses my current circumstances to get me feeling unhappy, overwhelmed, scared, sad….. whatever. Since my Sophia has been struggling so much since December, I have just been so burdened, so worried about what the future holds. So anxious about what the next doctor appointment or result is going to be. Today at church, a wonderful Godly woman prayed over me and spoke life into my weary heart. She spoke peace and strength. She spoke joy. She spoke rest to my weary soul. I can’t even begin to tell you what her prayers have done for my spirit. I can’t begin to tell you how gracious my God is. That He sent this woman to speak to my weary self, to encourage and strengthen me. To love on me when I was feeling so overwhelmed. He is just so good.

You never know what those still small voices will do for someone. When you allow God to speak through you, you may bless someone beyond your greatest expectations. And that is what has happened for me. I am sure that Jessica has no idea, what her words affirmed in my spirit, she doesn’t have any idea what joy and peace and comfort she brought to me. She doesn’t know that I was feeling so weary, so burdened, so alone. But what she did know? That God wanted her to pray and she was willing. She was willing and able. My prayer is that I am always willing, that when that small voice urges me on to do something that I listen and do as He asks me to. Thank you to those that hear Him and listen to His voice. Thank you for being His hands and feet to those that are hurting. Thank you for loving on people who are walking through difficult overwhelming things. Thank you for being Jesus to the world!!!!

Prayers please

So several years back our sweet cousin was savagely attacked while he was working as a correctional officer. The attack was absolutely horrific. But by God’s grace and mercy our cousin survived and has thrived. Back then we didn’t know what the future would look like for him, or his beautiful wife. But God! He now has his beautiful wife, and two amazing kiddos. All that to say, that sometimes in the midst of a terribly tragic situation it is hard to see that there could be sunshine after the rain, that there will be beauty to follow all the hardship. After the attack on our cousin, I have become more keenly aware of the dangers that CO’s deal with, something that isn’t well publicized at all. That being said, a friend’s brother has been brutally attacked at the same prison where my cousin was attack. Can you please pray for him? And for the other CO’s that were attacked as well? God knows exactly what has occurred and what healings need to take place. Would you please believe with me for complete healing? That each of these CO’s that were injured and their families/friends walk away from this incident realizing the power and greatness of our God?

In other news my sweet daughter who has been feeling sick for a month is finally feeling better! Praise the Lord! This year has been brutal so far for illness for her. I am definitely starting to wonder about her immune system. But prayerfully this has just been a rough patch for her and it is just the adjustment to the middle school germs. She will be having her tonsils and adenoids out next month. And we are hoping that that will eliminate the frequent strep throat infections.

If you so feel led, please just pray for those that are sick or injured. There is so much severe illness and injuries lately. The RSV and flu season has been brutal so far. The little tiny babies and children we are seeing are so so sick. And I have heard that the adults with flu this year are so sick as well. Pray for health please!

And PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for our military! I can’t even fathom what they are experiencing right now. I can’t imagine being their parents…… coming from a military family, I experienced my dad and my brother deploy numerous times, as well as cousins and uncles. They need all of your prayers. Please lift them in your prayers as often as you can. My brother in law hasn’t been called to deploy yet, but we are thinking that he will. Please be praying for him, and my sister, and their two small kiddos, age 2 and 5.

Mom Strong

Are you walking around kind of in a daze at times, wondering if you showered today? Forgetting whether you ate or not? How many times have you had to rewash that load of laundry as you keep forgetting to switch it over?

This mom stuff? It’s so hard, and exhausting, and some days it feels like I can’t possibly do one more thing. BUT GOD! Always God! I was so blessed to go to a Heidi St. John conference here recently with one of my best friend’s on the planet. She flew in from out of state and the two of us took a nice drive (with no kids asking us if we were there yet!) for a weekend to recharge. If you are unfamiliar with Heidi St. John and her “Mom Strong international” organization I highly recommend you get on board. The resources that she has, the encouragement, the support in her community are like no other. This conference was so biblically sound. In our society more and more people are straying from God’s Word, and not standing on the foundation that He has given us! God is no silent, His truth doesn’t change. No matter what our society says about any of it, God’s Word is our ultimate study guide, it has every answer we could possibly ever need. Do you have an amazing mom friend? A prayer partner? Someone you can share this mothering with? If you don’t I highly recommend finding another momma that you can encourage and that she can encourage you.

As a mom, I constantly am wondering if I am doing this right? If my kids will know that they know that they know, that God is God and He is their father. That He sent His only son to die for them, that He wants to take them home to heaven to be with Him. Recently there have been several events on the news that have just absolutely broken my heart, as I have learned about the loss of such young lives. And when I look at my four sweet babies, and I hear the crap that they are hearing at school, and from their friends, I am just so heartbroken for them. That this world is so lost and so broken. My sweet little girl has been told she is fat in the last couple of weeks by her “so called friends.” Now I know that school can be tough, but my sweet girl has spent so many days upset and broke over this craziness, and the world? It keeps filling people with mean spirits, with hatred, with jealously and greed. And as I raise my kiddos I am trying so hard to keep them focused on Him, and to continually remind them that they are HIS, and what the world says ultimately doesn’t matter.

I didn’t put the following scripture or the following slides together, and give full credit to Heidi St. John and her team for pulling these together. God isn’t silent, in the confusion of this world. And we CANNOT BE SILENT EITHER! As Heidi St. John would say “Get off the bench” and fight for your kids. Fight to keep God in their lives, fight to keep His truth in their heart, fight to keep the atrocities of abortion, gender confusion, sexual immorality and so much more away from our kids! You’ve got this Momma! And you’ve got the God of the universe and all of His Armies standing with you!

GOD IS NOT SILENT

Gender Identity Mark 10:6 Created male and female

Human Sexuality Romans 1 and 2 The creator’s instructions

Creation Genesis 1:1-2 Creation itself

Marriage Genesis 2:22-24 The purpose of marriage

Parenting Proverbs 22:26 Parent’s responsibility

Singleness 1 Corinthians 7 Single is good

Alcohol Ephesians 5:18 Stop getting drunk

Abortion Psalm 127:3-5 Children are a gift

Eternity John 10:28-29 I gave them eternal life

How is it September?

I feel like this summer just flew by. It was wonderful and amazing and we made such wonderful memories. Between getting to go to camp and serving as the nurse there, to a wonderful family reunion that was many years in the making, to a wonderful vacation home to see our friends and family, God just blessed us so much! This summer we had two vacations, three birthdays, a wedding and many many other wonderful experiences. We are now fostering two cats, which the kids are absolutely loving. And now that school is in full swing: I have two in middle school and two in elementary school. Three kiddos playing instruments, one playing soccer, and a partridge in a pear tree LOL!

Seriously though, this summer was so incredibly busy but so blessed. It is easy to get in this rut of running around like crazy staying ridiculously busy, and forget to enjoy the moments. Forget to enjoy the snuggles, the laughter and the experience of being a mom, the experience that God created for us. It’s easy to jump in your Mom-mobile and hit the ground running every day without taking a moment to take a breath and praise God for the moments you are experiencing. I am so guilty of this, and am trying so hard to model the behaviors for my children that I want them to focus on…. The behaviors of God first, family second, and everything else falls in after that…..

Several times here lately, we have gotten up and ready for school, and I have forgotten to pray with the kids before they walk out the door, that’s not to say that I don’t pray FOR them, but sometimes I forget to pray WITH them, my goal this year is to focus on GOD and to help the kids do the same. Have you developed a routine that helps foster this? If so do you mind sharing? What types of family devotionals do you do? What does your morning look like before school? How do your kiddos feel about the morning at your house? Is it crazy chaos or is it a place of prayer and strengthening before they head out to the world?

The kiddos were in our babysitters wedding

AMAZED

I literally am blown away right now. I can’t even begin to explain to you how God has shown up over and over again here lately. It has felt like Satan has been attacking our family and friends nearly continuously in the last few weeks. There has been illnesses, financial crisis, family crisis, housing issues, job issues, school issues and so many things.

And all I can say is WOW BUT GOD….. in every situation. We were told that we needed to get out of our rental house, and there literally was a major issue with our credit, it is hard to stay on top of the medical bills when there are thousands upon thousands of dollars……. and then my credit score went up more than a 100 points.

There was NOTHING in our area that would allow our kids to remain in the same school system that they are currently in, that was within our price range….. And then a house that Matt had been interested in a while back, that had a pending offer on it, fell through and came back on the market……

Matt’s dad had the “widowmaker” heart attack! But God miraculously saved him. He spent nearly a week in the ICU, but is now home and recovering. My husband was able to be up there for the last week and support his parents, and his brother Tim was able to get there too….

While Matt has been gone over the last week Sam began running a fever of up to 105.7 and was diagnosed with flu. As you can imagine caring for four HEALTHY kids would be a challenge without a spouse, but sick kids, while working?. But God provided aunts, grandparents, friends etc to help through all of this.

With Matt being gone, I was concerned with inspection and things at the house we are interested in….. two wonderful men came out to the house we are buying and went along with the inspector, as well as measured rooms and commited to helping get the physical work done that needs to be done in the new house.

I literally have been overwhelmed, and exhausted. Wishing I could be with my father in law and lay my eyes on him and kiss his face, wishing that I could be physically helping him but being unable…… Working extra shifts, and sleeping less trying to be a single parent while Matt is gone, dealing with all of the illness, dealing with house showings for the current house we are in. Dealing with friends and family that are going through crisis…… I have been feeling like I got run over by a truck. But literally God is carrying me through. And wow is he sending HIS people to help me during this time.

I can’t share all the details but God has made provisions for us financially that are truly miraculous. I find myself shaking my head, as I think about how He has blessed us in this last month. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely wish that the medical debt would miraculously disappear, but for now my God has opened the door to a brand new start. There has been an incredible fundraiser hosted by our church, and a loan that we never could have dreamed we would have gotten, and a gift that has brought me to tears, to help with the closing costs.

And then there is all of the childcare assistance. Not only has our sitter been willing to care for our kids during normal circumstances, she has also come when they have had the flu, when we needed her overnight, when we needed them transported somewhere etc. These lovely ladies are such a blessing. And then we have had numerous friends that have helped care for the kids. This weekend I am working all weekend and Matt will remain in massaschusetts with his parents. And the village that God has given me is loving on my kids all weekend while I am working. They are all looking forward to sleep overs and fun all weekend.

This last week has been incredibly hard, but also such an eye opening experience, God has shown up EVERYWHERE! If you are struggling know He is there, and though the struggles come, sometimes mountains of them, take a step back and look at all He has done in the process. BE BLESSED. Know that He is walking right along side you, and when you get to the point where you feel as though you cannot possibly take another step, it is then that He shows you His glorious provision in every aspect of your life

Beautifully Blessed

A lot of times in this life, people question, why something does or doesn’t happen. They question whether they are being punished, whether God is mad at them, whether the universe hates them, etc. I always find it so interesting to hear people talk about life in those ways. It often makes me sad. I am an optimistic person by nature, it is easy for me to look on the bright side and try to see the good in certain situations.
But I will be honest, when I had a miscarriage, and then had a very terrible pregnancy the whole time I was pregnant I kept saying “I don’t care what it is as long as it is healthy.” That was my motto. That was how I got through the endless vomiting, the hospital admissions, the surgery while pregnant, the severe eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and complications. And then I had my sweet Samuel Lee. His name means, “shelter from the storm” and “God has heard.”
And then he began to be ill. Began to have all kinds of illnesses, scary things kept happening. Numerous hospital admissions, and specialists, and scary diagnosis. And finally a diagnosis of an immune deficiency. And I remember feeling terrified and overwhelmed, but at the same time feeling relieved that we finally had an answer.
I remember people questioning me and my faith. I remember people making comments about just needing to pray harder and that God would heal him. I remember being told that if my faith was strong my child would be healed. And in those moments of such hurt from those comments God came to me. And He explained things to me in a way that my aching momma heart couldn’t grasp without His supernatural help.
We have not been promised that this life will be easy. We have not been promised health, wealth or happiness. But we have been promised that HE will be with us through it all and that HE will comfort us as we allow Him.
Honestly? Yes I pictured myself as a soccer mom running here and there to games and practices and just living a busy life. But that is not the life that I am called to live. God has called me to have these amazing children. And instead of running here and there to games and practices, I am running here and there to doctor’s appointments, hospitals for infusions and specialists all over the place.
But you know what? I wouldn’t change it. My kids are truly compassionate loving souls who have genuine love and caring hearts for those that are hurting. They know what it is like to feel sick and scared, they have no problem praying for people who are sick, for comforting others who are hurting. They have no problem talking to God like HE is right beside them. And that is worth more than any soccer game that we miss!
I didn’t picture this life, I didn’t picture the financial struggles, the health struggles, the exhaustion and uncertainty. But I also didn’t picture my 4 children at incredibly young ages having the faith that they have, having the relationship to talk with their heavenly Father that they do. It is amazing. And nothing is more important than them having eternity to with their Heavenly Father.
I don’t know your situation. I don’t know your hurts and struggles. I don’t know the fears that you have. But I do know that without a doubt that God can use ANY SITUATION for His glory! Be blessed! Have faith! Find a person to pray with, encourage you and share your heart with. God can bring you through whatever you are struggling with. This life can be overwhelming I know, but He gives us what we need to thrive and be BEAUTIFULLY BLESSED

2019

Happy New Year! A new year filled with promise, filled with hope. A year with such potential. I have so very much to be thankful for. It is so often we get caught up in the mundane day to day life of being a parent, of being a spouse, of being a worker….. we get caught up in the laundry, and the cleaning, the homework, and the cooking. We get stuck underneath the overwhelming daunting to do lists. I am right there with you. This last year has been a tremendous struggle for me.

My husband was injured in January and was out of work….. the financial repercussions of that are still being felt in our family. My children’s medical issues, fluctuated throughout the year, leading to new doctors visits, a surgery and different and more time consuming medical care. The financial burden led me to getting another job in which I was working more than 60 hours a week. The pace was incredibly overwhelming and exhausting, not to mention missing my kids growing.

This last year, there were many tragedies, much heartbreak, and incredible sadness felt by people I care about. But you know what else there was? Incredible joy, God’s provision for WHATEVER was needed, laughter, adventures, lots and lots of snuggles with my babies and so much more.

2018 will go down as a trying year, but it will also go down as a year, where God showed up whenever we allowed Him to. He provided whatever was needed whenever it was needed. And I am eternally grateful.

I am not sure what 2019 will bring for certain. But I do know that God will walk through it with me, and that if I allow Him, He will carry the burden. My hope in 2019 is to be a stronger woman of faith, the wife that God has called me to be, the mother that God has called me to be, and the friend/sister/daughter/Christian God has called me to be.

If you have a need, and you would like prayer please feel free to share this with me, and I will get praying. God moves mountains!!!! You are NOT ALONE